#“Fuck you Poseidon! Only my Wife gets to drown me!”

[dootznbootz]

"Oasis"

Gotta visit the Water Wife at the river <3

My OdyPen from my dear friend @thehelplessmortals Thank you again so much🩵🥹 They're so lovely and so silly.

[foxy-lisard]

Okay just woke up and skipped to God Games on the livestream so I could watch the Vengeance saga and here are my thoughts and feelings:

Not Sorry For Loving You: While I do feel sorry for Calypso, I also still hate her. Like, yeah she got locked up on the island and all, but. Odysseus made it clear he's got a wife and he wants to go home to her, and still in the song it feels like she basically lays the blame with him for everything. Just. Yeah. Mixed feelings, you know? "I'm angry and tired and restless and sad, and stuck in the moments I swore we had" and "why in the world won't you love me too" especially. The vibe of "I swear we had the moments why won't you just agree we did" and the fact she says "why won't you love me too". Especially because Ody says he does love her, just not the way she wants him to.

Dangerous: Starts so sad... The pause after "with only one goal in mind" just long enough for the reply "make it back alive to our homeland" except it never comes... And the way Hermes comes in with that callback to Aeolus? Such a bop though. ✨dangerous✨ And the ending of Hermes saying he's not the one who fought for Odysseus, tasty. But yeah Hermes does genuinely seem to care for Ody which I like, and I love Ody's determination.

Charybdis: FUCK YEAH YOU GO ODY. The way he beats Charybdis without even fighting by using his smarts,,, yeah it's good. The yearning and love in Ody's voice when he's almost home... Beautiful. And the panic and confusion when the water pulls him away... Delicious.

Get in the Water: "There you are. Coward." Hot. Hot. Hot. Poseidon is hot. I will get in the water and that's a threat. Ody trying to convince him to let it go, to move on, is also very good. But that followed by the "no" and then the "DIE",,, shivers. And the voices of his crew and mother as he's drowning,,, oof.

Six Hundred Strike: Does Ody give up? Obviously not! He will get back to HIS WIFE!!! It's Ody's vengeance! Revenge for the men Poseidon killed! And the way Ody says "you're going to call of that storm"? Hot. "You can't kill me" "exactly" FUCK YEAH ODY GO. Is it dark and horrible? Yes. Am I cheering? Absolutely. Dark Ody is fun. The way he keeps going until Poseidon finally goes "alright" and then he just tosses the trident to the ground. "After everything you've done, how will you sleep at night?" Me immediately: with his wife. Ody: "next to my wife." Called it.

All in all: great saga, not the vengeance I expected but beautiful vengeance nevertheless. Voice work great as always. I think Dangerous is gonna be my favourite song to just listen to, but Six Hundred Strike in terms of what happens.

[musicalfan78]

Every saga in a mf78 nutshell (pt 6)

Warning: this contains mentions of blood and some gore.

pt 1, Pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9

*SUFFERING*

(Odysseus and his crew are out of the underworld, and are now on water again)

???: Yoohoo!

Odysseus: Wha-?

Penelope?: My daring adorable smoking cute husband! I miss youuuu!

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus: My loving glorious wife! Oh I miss you too!

Penelope?: You know I can't stand not seeing you for a while! Come into the water! And give me your loving kisses!

Odysseus: I would my love! But alas, I am scared of getting in the water to see your precious face..

Eurylochus, whispering to the other crew members: I don't know what's weirder, he's flirting with a siren or the fact this is too strange to look at..

Penelope?: But baaabe! I'll make sure your safe! Me and our beautiful daughter are waiting for you!

Odysseus: I would precious, but I'd be trying to float the entire time, I feel much safer up here!

Penelope?: Pleeeeease? :)

Odysseus: ....How can I not resit that charm? But, could you answer something for me?

Penelope?: Yes!

Odysseus: Alright. Imagine that I'm on the run from the terrifying god Poseidon, and he traps us with waves and storms to make sure we don't get home..

Penelope?: Oh thats horrible! :(

Odysseus: Oh it is! But answer me this, which way can I go to get home?

Penelope?: That's simple! Just go through the lair of scylla! He'd never go there...

Odysseus: ....LAIR of scylla?

Penelope?: Mhm!

Odysseus: It has a cost though...

Penelope?: You did ask, so here's your answer! Now come in the water and play with me! <33

Odysseus: *insert hair flick* Aww, but you do know I'm too shy about getting in the water. Why don't you come up here instead and we'll jump at the same time so I feel safe!

Eurylochus silently: LET THIS BE OVER PLEASEEEE-

Penelope?: You can do it dear! I'll catch you when you get down here! It'll be quick as possible!

Odysseus: ..fine, but only this once! *he slowly goes over to-*

*DIFFERENT BEAST*

(HITS THE SIREN IN THE FUCKIN CHEST)

Siren: OW, WHAT THE HELL?!

Odysseus: Nice try, but you're not fooling me that easily. One, I'm not scared of the water. Two, I don't even have a daughter!

Siren: ...crap.

Odysseus: We also kidnap your friends too.

Siren: HUH?!

Odysseus: We also filled our ears with beeswax so your kept being my squinting my eyes! Now I know how to get home thanks to you!

The crew: WHOOOOOHOOO!

Siren: Wait! Just- just please spare us, and won't do anything bad ever again!

Odysseus: You're just gonna go after more sailors if I do. We're cutting off your tails and letting you all drown!

Sirens: NOOOOOO!

*SCYLLA*

Odysseus: Alright guys, we get through this lair nice and carefully, then we will finally get home..

Eurylochus: ...FUCK IT. CAPTAIN, I CANT HOLD THIS IN ANYMORE BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO OPENED THE WINDBAG WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP!

Odysseus: *Insert slow turning around* YOU DID FUCKING WHAT?!

Eurylochus: I'm sorry, it was all fast and all of a sudden! Forgive me please!

Odysseus: ...................go and light up six torches.

Eurylochus: Uh, alright..

*Eurylochus lights up six torches and hands them to six of the crew*

Eurylochus: ....wait, I see something in the distance. It's coming toward us..

Scylla : HELLO. >:)

Odysseus: Oh shit- EVERYONE ROW FOR YOUR LIVES!

Scylla: ITS FUCKING DINNER TIME!

*scylla's other heads start going after six of the crew, eating their bodies as blood escape from their mouths. After the gore and horror, the crew make it out of the lair, Odysseus is looking up, not turning around*

*MUTINY*

Eurylochus: Okay, what the fuck was that?! You just used our six friends to be killed? We passed through the cyclops, and gods because you had a plan in mind!

Odysseus: ....

Eurylochus: And what did we do when we saw that monster? We fucking ran! Do you miss your wife that bad?! Are you crazy or what?! .......SPEAK!

Odysseus: I CAN'T AND I WONT.

Eurylochus: *silent is upon him*

Eurylochus: Very well..

*He pulls out his sword, odysseus from this also takes out his*

Odysseus: Don't you know what you're doing right now? You'd do it to y'know!

Eurylochus: Absolutely, and you have betrayed us all, so PAY THE PRICE!

*the two fight like it was a star wars saberfight for a few minutes. Eurylochus gets pushed to the ground as Odysseus has him down*

Odysseus: If I'm paying the price, then you're going down FIRST-!

Perimedes: *Stabs Odysseus in the stomach a bit* NO.

Odysseus: ACK....WHY'D YOU DO THAT?

Perimedes: Im sorry, but you're out of time Captain, we won't take this suffering no more.

Crew: Fuck you captain!

*Before odysseus could speak, Eurylochus has knocks him out*

*a few hours later*

Odysseus: ...my head....am I tied up? Ugh..where are we now?

Eurylochus: Oh, you're awake. We just found an island filled with cows. They have enough meat for all of us!

Odysseus: Cows? What do you me- Oh crap.

Odysseus: *slowly turns to Eurylochus* Don't tell me you're going to kill one, are you?

Eurylochus: Uh, yeah I am going to! We're never gonna make it home y'know!

Odysseus: You don't know that's true, besides it's the sun god's cows! Who knows what would happen!

Eurylochus: .....I cant suffer like this anymore ody, after all I am just a man.

Odysseus: EURYLOCHUS WAIT-!

Eurylochus: *Stabs the cattle in the throat*

*thunder can be heard as the clouds get darker*

Odysseus: YOU SCREWED US ALL IDIOT!

Eurylochus: ....captain?

Odysseus: *unties himself* EVERYONE GET BACK ON THE SHIP, GET AN OAR AND ROW AS FAST AS YOU CAN! NOW! BEFORE WE'RE DOOMED!

*All the crew get onto the ship and grab and oar, they row faster, and faster...until they saw thunder appear in front of them*

Odysseus: Crap....

*THUNDER BRINGER*

Zeus: *He appears from the thunder, he takes a step forward*

Zeus: Wellll odysseus, it seems that your crew has become total dumbasses! So I'm giving you a small deal.

Odysseus: ...a-and what's that?

Zeus: You get to choose who gets to die from the thundering bringer of death! Your crew, or just you. That's all you have..

Odysseus: But...I don't want to..

Zeus: Choose..

Odysseus: ...

Penelope..(thats totally not zeus): Ody...

Odysseus: ....penelope?

Penelope...: Please come home...ditch your crew and come to your loving family..

*"Penelope" kisses odysseus on the forehead as she fades away. Odysseus turns to Eurylochus*

Eurylochus: Ody...?

Odysseus: I gotta see her Eury..

Eurylochus: But we'll die from this!

Odysseus: Sorry...also why do you say that when you and the crew practically caused me trou-

*Thunder has been struck on the crew. And odysseus is out of sight...for now.*

[soapcan18]

I’m just gonna post my Ithaca Saga live-reaction rambles here bc I can’t form coherent sentences rn and I need to express my excitement:

The Challenge

PENELOPE OH MY GOD UR VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

SHE KNOWS ABT THE STORM

THE BACKUPS??? HOLYY

WHOEVER CAN STRINGGGG

Am I tripping or is that the horse and the infant motif

PENELOPE UR VOICEEE AHH THE STRENGTH AND THE GENTLENESS AHH

Hold Them Down

Oh my god I’m gonna tweak

It’s about to get DARK

FUCK THE SUITORS!!

ANTINOUS!!!!

OH OH GET IT ANTINOUS

TELEMACHUS ON DIPLOMATIC MISSION I REMEMBER THAT!!!

YOOO THIS IS DARK

BOOONESSS

ONLY THE OCEAN AND I WILL KNOWWW

NO GET AWAY FROM PENELOPE!!!!

ANTINOUS UR A FUCKIN CREEP!!!!!!

KILL THEM AAALLLLLLL

THE VOCALS DEAR LORD

YEAHHHH ODYSSEUS KILL HIS ASS

Odysseus

ODYSSEUS!!!!!!

OH MY GOD JORGEEEE UR VOICEEE

I HEAR U DARE TO TOUCH MY WIFE AND HURT MY BOYYY

I. Have had. Enough.

THE ELECTRIC GUITAR OH MY GODDD

THE SUITORS’ TIME TO SHINE

THE BOW AND SCREAM EFFECT AHHH

WHERE IS HE??? WHERE IS HE???

“You think I don’t know my own palace? I BUILT IT.”

“U destroyed the serpents head” EYY BOOK REFERENCE

NO OPEN ARMS

“No” YOOOO THATS COLDDD THAT’S A POSEIDON REF

I love him just popping in here and then makes us feel like the suitors

“BEHIND YOU”

LEGENDARY MOTIF????

AGHH TELEMACHUS IS HEREEEEE

ATHENA!! OH MY GODDDD ATHENAAA

I HEARD THAT FUCKIN PIANO TRILL

“Ur very presence has doomed the king, young prince. We don’t fight fair!”

WHO IS SINGINNNN

“And he’s made a grave mistaaake”

GET OFF ME!! GET OFF ME!!

HOLD HIM DOWNNN

THE ELECTRICCCC OH MY GODDD HES FULL MONSTER

“Mercy? MERCY? My mercy’s long since drowned. It died to bring me home. And as long as you’re around, my family’s fate is left unknown. You plotted to kill my son. You planned to R### MY WIFE. ALL OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.”

THEY SAID THE WORD???

“You filled my heart with hate. All of you who have done me wrong. THIS WILL BE YOUR FATE!”

THE CHOIRRR AHHH ITS BEEN A NO LONGER YOU REF THIS WHOLE TIME

THE SCREAMS???? THEYRE SO REALISTIC OMLLL

I Can’t Help but Wonder

THESE SONGS ARE LONG DAMN

TELEMACHUSSS 🥹

ITS AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR NOW

My heaartttt

OMG WAIT ITS TELEMACHUS SINGING

MILO SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE JORGE

His voice is so gentle oh my goddd

MY SON IM FINALLY HOME!

FATHER HOW IVE LONGED TO SEE YOUU

THE HARMONIZINGGGG

ATHENA

ATHENA!!!!

I HEAR HER QUICK THOUGHT

“Show yourself. I know you’re watching me. Show yourself.”

THE PIANOOO THE CLOCKKKK

“You were never one for hellos.”

“I can’t help but wonder what this world can be if we all held each other with a bit more empathy. I can’t help but feel like I led you astray. What if there’s a world where we don’t have to live this way?”

“If that world exists, it’s far away from here. It’s one I’ll have to miss for it’s far beyond my years. You might live forever, so you can make it be. But I’ve got one endeavor. There’s a girl I have to see.”

“Very well.”

WARRIOR OF THE MIND MOTIFFF

Would You Fall in Love with Me Again

FINAL SONGGG

SIX MINUTESS

PENELOPEEEE

THE CACOPHONY OF INSTRUMENTS OH MY GODDD ITS LIKE ODY’S ANTICIPATION

THE DOOR SOUNDD

Youuu look different

Your eyes look tired

IM GONNA RIP MY HEART OUT

I AM NOT THE MAN U FELL IN LOVE WITHHH

Waaaitinggg waaaitingggg

The stringssss godddd

“Left a trail of red on every islanddd” RUTHLESSNESS MOTIF OH MY GODD

“As I traded friends like objects I could use”CIRCE MOTIF??

“Hurt more lives than I can count on my hands” I CANT MAKE OUT A SINGLE ONE BUT PIANO IMPLIES ATHENA??

OMG WAIT CALYPSO “FOR LOVING YOU” MOTIF

WAAAITINGGGG

“If that’s true, could you do me a favor? Just a moment of labor? That would bring me some peace. See that wedding bed? Could you carry it over? Lift it high on your shoulders and take it far away from here?”

I REMEMBER THIS FROM THE BOOK AGHH

“I had built that wedding bed with my blood and sweat…”

THE ELECTRIC GUITAR COMING BACKKK AS HE GETS MORE INTENSE

“The only way to move it is to cut it from ITS ROOTS!” “ONLY MY HUSBAND KNEW THAATTT!”

AHHH I REMEMBERRRRR

PENELOPE TEAR IT UP

THE EMOTIONNNN IN HER VOICEEE

WAAAITTINGGGGG

PENELOPEEEEE

WAAAITINGGGGG

PENELOOPPEEEEEE

WAAAAITINGGGG WAAAAITINGGG WAAAAAAAITINGGGGGG AHHHHHHHHH

forrrrrr (was that the remember them motif???) youuu

Damn she sang so high

THE SYMPHONYYY

JUST A MANNNN ITS BAAACKKKK

THE ANIMATICS R GONNA GO SO HARD DEAR LORD

“How long has it been?” “20 years.”

“I love youuuu”

BRAVO 🥹

JORGE I LOVE YOUUU

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[twomanyfandomshelp]

If you haven’t listened to the Thunder Saga yet, this is your spoiler warning.

Also, look at this album cover art! It’s so beautiful.

Apologies in advance for all the caps lock you’re about to see, and please ignore whatever typos or grammatical errors you find, it’s like three in the morning.

Enjoy watching me slowly lose my mind and my commentary become more and more unhinged.

MR. RIVERA-HERRANS

JORGE

JAY

MR. JALPEÑO

MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS WHY MUST YOU BE SO TALENTED never stop please Jay I need more I need your music directly in my veins

SUFFERING

Oh my gosh, I figured this song would be about the sirens but what the heck how did I not realize the siren would pretend to be Penelope?!

“Come play with me and our daughter” Excuse me, Mrs. Siren you are incorrect, he has a son and he is wonderful how dare you disrespect Telemachus like that. Watching chat go crazy over this line during the watch party was pretty fun though.

Odysseus tricking the siren into telling him how to avoid Poseidon was so smart!

YOU’RE TELLING ME EVEN POSEIDON IS AFRAID OF SCYLLA?!

This chorus is a bop

DIFFERENT BEAST

Oh my gosh this is such a tone shift from the last one and I love it!

I LOVE THIS CHORUS AND THE CALLBACKS OH MY GOSH

My man is so smart and I love him for it. Not only did he figure out there were sirens nearby just from an empty ship, but he had the whole crew put beeswax in their ears and scoop up the sirens while he distracted their leader (I’m assuming she’s their leader?! idk) and tricked her into telling him how to avoid Poseidon!

THE SIRENS BEGGING ODYSSEUS TO SPARE THEM AND ODYSSEUS’ RESPONSE OH MY GOD “i made a mistake like this/it almost cost my life/I can’t take more risks of not seeing my wife/cut off their tails, we’re ending this now/throw their bodies back in the water/let them drown” SIR WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DOWN WITH MY ODY?!?! HE WAS NOT KIDDING ABOUT BECOMING THE MONSTER RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OURSELVES

And now the chorus is different and it’s talking about Odysseus and the choice he made to become a monster and ahfhsidhsndg

ODYSSEUS SCREAMING TO KILL THEM ALL AND THE SIRENS’ SCREAMS?!?! JORGE!!!!

SCYLLA

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh

KJ BURKHAUSER’S VOICE IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL I LOVE IT SHE SOUNDS SO PRETTY AND HAUNTING AT THE SAME TIME AND THEN SHE GETS SCARY AND I JUST AAAAAHHH🧎‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

“Deep down you know that we are the same” Excuse me ma’am what does that mean?!

EURYLOCHUS HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?!?? I already knew he opened the fucking bag but it hurts to hear him admit it out loud

EURYLOCHUS’ “forgive me” SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE ODYSSEUS’ “forgive me” FROM JUST A MAN AND I KNOW THAT’S THE POINT BUT IT STILL BREAKS MY HEART

FULL SPEED AHEAD

“Eurylochus, light up six torches” NO ODY DON’T DO IT DON’T SACRIFICE YOUR MEN

THAT “hello” EXCUSE ME MA’AM??!?!!

HER VOICE OH MY FUCKING GOD

THE SCREAMS IN THE BACKGROUND AS THE SIX MEN ARE TAKEN AAAAAAHHHHHH

MUTINY

I love the snippets we’ve heard of this one, I’m very excited and so very scared.

EURYLOCHUS IS SO PISSED AT ODYSSEUS OH MY GOD NO STOP TALKING EURY YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED!!!

HERE IT IS HERE’S THE PART I KNOW OH MY GOD I’M SO SCARED!!!

WHAT THE REST OF THE CREW STEPPED IN AND STABBED ODYSSEUS INSTEAD BECAUSE HOW COULD THEY EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN KNOWING THAT HE’LL SACRIFICE THEM TO GET HOME!!!

NO DON’T DO IT EURY DON’T EAT THE COWS!!! I DON’T CARE HOW FUCKING HUNGRY YOU ARE EURYLOCHUS DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH THOSE COWS!!!

THE CALLBACKS TO LUCK RUNS OUT!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD EURYLOCHUS JUST CALLED HIM ODY OH MY GOSH “Ody we’re never gonna get to make it home, you know it’s true… You don’t know that’s true!” Eurylochus no don’t give up if you give up you’re definitely never making it back home 😢

OH MY GOD NOW EURYLOCHUS SAID “I’m just a man” SIR YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT IT’S ONE THING TO KILL AN INFANT TO SAVE YOUR WIFE AND SON IT IS ANOTHER TO OPEN A BAG THAT YOUR CAPTAIN SPECIFICALLY SAID NOT TO OPEN BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TRUST HIM WHEN GUESS WHAT HE WAS RIGHT AND OH LOOK NOW YOU’VE KILLED MOST OF YOUR MEN ARE YOU HAPPY EURYLOCHUS OH AND NOW YOU’VE KILLED APOLLO’S CATTLE WHICH IS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE ELSE WHAT THE FUCK EURYLOCHUS THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT AND NO SHUT UP I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING 😭

NO NO NO DON’T KILL THE FUCKING COWS

The way Odysseus immediately goes into leader mode and starts commanding his men in a desperate attempt to save them even though they just LITERALLY FUCKING STABBED HIM IN THE BACK and he begged them not to kill the cows

“We’re too late” oh my god you can the emotion in Ody’s voice because he desperately wants to save his men and they’ve doomed themselves

THUNDER BRINGER

YES I’M SO FUCKING READY LET’S GOOOOOO

Luke Holt has an amazing voice oh my gosh the way he says distress and confess 🥵

I KNOW WE’VE ALREADY HEARD THIS CHORUS BUT IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY GOD

“Choose. …choose?… Someone’s gotta die today, and you have got the final say. You or your crew.” OH MY GOD WAIT WHAT I DIDN’T REALIZE ODYSSEUS HAD TO CHOOSE WHAT NO

It’s giving that one TikTok sound “One and two. One of you’s gonna die. The other’s gonna live. And, the thing is, it’s your choice.”

JUST ZUES FORCING ODYSSEUS TO MAKE ANOTHER IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE!!!!

The combination of the crew singing the lyrics from Just a Man and Penelope singing about taking away Odysseus’ suffering is just… so beautiful and so heartbreaking at the same time

“Captain?… I have to see her… But we’ll die… I know” OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK JAY AND ARMANDO HOW CAN YOU DO THIS THE EMOTION THAT THESE MEN CAN CONVEY WITH JUST THEIR VOICES IS UNREAL

And now we’re back to Luke’s absolutely phenomenal voice as Zues just massacres Odysseus’ crew

NOT THE SAD PIANO PLAY OUT NO JAY DON’T oh it’s too late, now I’m crying.

[itsthenerdwonder]

Okay, before we end the PJO tv show, I’m gonna watch the shitty movie. I’ve reread the book, chapter by chapter, before each episode to compare it for myself. But let’s watch the movie to compare to the show AND book cuz why the eff not?

And since Percy is played by a 21 year old, I will also be drinking during this movie cuz BLEH!

20th Century Fox…you sure did last longer than 1999. For better and worse. And now Disney owns you and you’re nothing but a memory…a little more booze will fix that.

Chris Columbus, because everyone loved the first 2 Harry Potter movies. Well, they loved how good of adaptations they were as well as the Dumbledore actor.

Giant Poseidon rises out of the water…struggling to walk through water like he’s a human. AND A HUMAN SEES HIM AND HE’S JUST LIKE “sup” LIKE….THAT HAD BETTER BE A RANDOM TSUNAMI HE’S FUCKING SEEING! AND THEN POSEIDON JUST WATER MORPHS INTO A REGULAR GUY?! WHY ARE YOU NOW A REGULAR GUY?! WHY NOT JUST START AS A REGULAR GUY? Why be massive at all? Just, why?

You know, Sean Bean probably wishes he DID die in this movie so he’d never have to reprise. But, only the main 4 actually reprised so, you know, whatever. The franchise flopped enough to count as a death.

EXPSITION! TALKING! WALKING! BORING!

Also, this implies that Luke LITERALLY JUST TOOK IT! Like, days/hours ago and Zeus is already like “guess imma just kill a kid and cause WWIII in 2 weeks.” Like, Zeus has no chill, but he’s king of the gods for a reason. Those shits are PETTY! And do ALL KINDS of stuff that could’ve resulted in dozens of power plays/wars/other shitty things happen to the gods or mortals, but they didn’t cuz Zeus…actually knows how to rule. He just doesn’t know how to keep it in his pants. That’s a separate issue.

Such intense. Very dramatique standing. Much wow.

Honestly, even though this is a weird opening, it is a very good opening. Percy just…chilling in his element. Like, yeah, 7 minutes for a high schooler to just hold his breath is bad cuz 6 minutes and you start losing brain cells and teenagers don’t have cells to lose cuz they lost half of them to puberty and spend the next 10-15 years wrestling them back from their hormones and self-worth issues. But still, it’s a nice score after that intensely nothing scene, very calm and soothing, makes the “who could Percy’s dad” question feel very stupid but the movie isn’t trying to make you think, so you can just…be for that underwater scene. It’s nice. But unfortunately we don’t drown and the movie keeps going.

Although, with Rick adding that Percy does have a fear of drowning in later books, that does make this scene…terrifying. Is Percy trying to drown himself?

“It’s like high school without the musical” so…high school. Also, hey, an appropriately 2008 reference cuz these books can’t stop making references. Seriously, Rick, you can stop making references that date the books. You do a yearly reference per book but sometimes it’s multiple books per year. THAT’S NOT HOW DATES WORK.

Mrs. Dodds is teaching English cuz…Shakespeare is harder than high school trig? But it does give us a decent look at Greek letters superimposing over the early modern English as the letters move and rearrange and…this is the second nice thing I’ve said. SHIT! SAY SOMETHING DISPARAGING!

“I think this dyslexia thing is getting worse.” That’s…not how dyslexia works. “Idk, maybe it’s the ADHD.” This movie is dumb. Phew, I said something disparaging.

Percy sassing his mom makes me hate him rather than making me think they have a close relationship and he loves his mom and would literally kill for her.

Ah, the first sexual thing to happen on screen. And this is the only one to not make me mad cuz it’s Gabe being the worst.

“Show some respect. That’s my mom right there.” No, that’s his wife right there. Show him some of you leaving so he can continue to be a mortal pig stinking up the place and making you safe from monsters. God this Gabe is the worst, he’s fucking perfect.

Oh right, and the gods are telepathic too. Cuz…why? That’s never established in ANY myth or book. “I haven’t seen him since he was a baby” yeah, but apparently you guys have one-way phone calls where you give cryptic advice every other Tuesday.

AND THEY GET GREEK MYTH WRONG! “The Big Three overthrew Kronus.” *Pulls out 3 mythology books, 10 mythology websites and the fucking book.* Now, we’re not leaving until you learn these gods’ dam myths or you are carried away by Thanatos trying.

Mrs. Dodds honestly looks like such a creeper in this scene. Looking like she’s trying to sniff his hair. Ick.

Pierce Brosnan is a brilliant actor. He uses the wheelchair like a fucking pro, but then he keeps propping himself up at an odd angle away from the back like it’s uncomfortable to sit in. Which, would make sense given he’s got a whole other half folded up behind him.

It’s so interesting how the Furies keep getting wings in modern media. Like, classical depictions have them as just really really pissed off ladies. And that’s no lady. That’s a demon.

Logan was clearly thinking the CGI would grab his arms to lift him instead of underneath his arms, so he just looks really stiff cuz the CGI artists messed up.

“I should be on medication.” Well yes but actually no.

Also, how was the show’s lack of a fight scene better than this…almost fight? Pathetic attack and subsequent scolding? At least she died in the show, unlike here.

“Only use it in times of severe distress.” That line…makes no sense…cuz…like…he’s camp activities director for a bunch of demigods he’s training to fight to the death…WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN’T WANT THIS KID WHO’S IN IMMEDIATE DANGER TO USE A WEAPON?!

“This is a pen. This is a pen!” Well…at least some of this movie is fun/funny/almost enjoyable.

Movie!Percy is an ableist jackass who thinks crutches constitute helplessness. Book!Percy would beat Movie!Percy up for even SUGGESTING Grover couldn’t handle himself, much less kick someone’s ass. He’s seen Grover in the cafeteria line.

“Like I said, I’m your protector.” And suddenly, Eddie and the guys think Grover’s gay for Percy

“He was forced to leave.” I…the tide comes and goes. And so does Poseidon. He’s here, then he’s gone. But he’ll return again. Constant change. How is that so hard to write?

“Leaving you was probably the most difficult thing he ever did.” Okay, I know you’re not Show!Sally, but lady, Imma need you to do your research about your ex. Okay?

“Sally watch out!” For what? The cow didn’t enter the screen until the car was already turning to avoid it.

And this is why you wear a seat belt. All of you should’ve gone flying through that windshield cuz none of you were wearing seat belts.

I’m going to need Grover to never say “Come on” again. Please. For the love of Apollo.

I hate that invisible wall.

You know, it’s supposed to be raining. Which is why Percy does not insta-die. Cuz water. Instead, this kid is just the best at being a matador/sword fighting cuz Gary Stu.

“No. No. No. No. No. No.” LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! GIVE IT UP FOR THE WORST LINE DELIVERY IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN MOVIE! “I’d like to thank my mom, for dying. My teen angst, for not giving a shit for her dying. That math test I was supposed to take today I definitely didn’t study for that I was thinking about the same time as remembering my mom just died. None of you were important to me. And I’ll keep on not caring for the rest of this movie. Good night!”

This is the tiniest Camp Half-Blood ever…and the musical just had a small black box to work with. Sword combat training right next to archers firing at everything leaving the infirmary and both working to put you back in immediately after getting healed?

“I’m a loser. I have dyslexia. ADHD.” Look. 2010 was a different time. But like…did the writers KNOW what those were? That they’re unfortunately not an uncommon disability in America. For one or the other (usually not both, but most people don’t hear about half-bloods unless they make the news for blowing up Mount St. Helens. Again)

Look at Clarise kicking ass, even though she should have her hair up. “That’s Annabeth.” Oh, right. Every time.

Instant connection. Cuz…teenagers be horny I guess. Not like we can actually build up the relationship or anything. NOOOOO. Gotta be horny at first sight.

Pierce Brosnan is a terrible actor with how he’s holding his arms like he Naruto running, but they’re fists so it just looks stiff and awkward.

“A real horse’s ass.” I still don’t understand that joke. Not that one. The one in Aladdin where he says “a horse with two rear ends” but…RIGHT! Gotta focus on the worse movie.

All daughters of Aphrodite are sorority girls with Elle Woods’ body and libido without the Elle Woods brains. Remember when this story was supposed to be for 12-year-olds.

And there’s no question who his dad is cuz Poseidon just came to camp one day and decided to be a carpenter and carved “PεΓ<ψ ωiιι βε HεΓε” right above the door

You know…the CGI on Chiron’s horse half looks pretty good.

“This stuff is so heavy!” That’s light leather! What are you talking about. I can show you several 12-year-olds wearing full metal breastplates, pauldrons and helmets carrying metal shields too (which also looks cheap, but still) that would laugh at how you think THAT is heavy.

Grover’s so upbeat here at camp…which is…interesting…

Camp Leader? Leader? I…what the fuck is happening. Why is Luke…more in charge than Chiron? And Mr. D comes next movie…DID MR. D TAKE LUKE’S JOB?!

Idk…maybe it’s just the Michael lingering in poor Adam Winchester, but…he just RADIATES evil, you know?

“That’s a sword. That’s a sword.” No shit.

But, you know, even with the shaky cam, the fight choreography is pretty good.

“My mother is goddess of wisdom and battle strategy. You know what that means?” You’re an inflated windbag who exposits a lot? Like, didn’t we already establish that 2 scenes ago? Yet, I almost needed it cuz I forgot she was Annabeth again and was like “Hey Clarisse” cuz she looks like how I picture Clarrise (who’s a blonde) and fighting against Percy and being a bitch and…yeah

Cuz she wouldn’t know to not leave a son of Poseidon anywhere near water? Like, even not knowing that it’d heal him, with admittedly decent effects, he’s already claimed and so she’d KNOW that maybe, just maybe, he’s a water boy. That and/or he’s probably pretty good on horseback.

And now the fight choreography sucks. I’m bored. Mostly by the 1-v-1 instead of war between many like we were doing. Like…they would be doing.

Grover isn’t hungry all the time here. He’s horny all the time. I hate it.

“I’m not going to grow a fish tail or gills am I?” Listen, I’d much rather be watching Thirteenth Year. Shut up.

“I have very strong feelings for you. I just haven’t decided if they’re positive or negative yet.” So…you think he’s hot, but a jerk. So…make it negative cuz…yeah, this Percy is a prick and I don’t want to be his friend. Where’s Book or Show!Percy. I miss them.

AND HADES IS SATAN BECAUSE EVERYONE SAW DISNEY’S HERCULES AS WELL AS FUCKING CHRISTIANS AND THEIR HATRED OF DEATH! I HATE THIS! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FOR DISPARAGING THE LORD OF THE DEAD LIKE THIS!

I’m also going to need Grover to stop saying “I’m your protector.” It’s almost as repetitive as “Come on,” but not quite. Not yet.

Luke playing video games is somehow the biggest change from the book. Not Annabeth eating Clarisse’s character. Not Mrs. Dodds teaching Shakespeare. Not that everyone knows Percy’s heritage and thus we cut out the “gods are deadbeats” theme from the books…nope. It’s the fact that this Ancient Greek summer camp has fucking electricity.

“My dad’s a jerk, I’ve never met him.” You know, if it was ONLY book 1, I could forgive this. Knowing several books had come out and May Castellian’s story was able to be known…OOPS! Kinda forgot to read ahead to make sure everything lines up, huh?

I broke into a god’s house and stole stuff (I’m obviously not the Lightning Theif even though I’ve already stolen from the gods) like this book that’s still covered in dust which doesn’t make sense logically.

Shoe flies into the screen for all the 3D movie watchers out there. Honestly, I miss when 3D did gimmicks like that.

Persephone fucking around is not her character. Other than possibly Hades (and, that’s from Ovid, a Roman, who put in a line about her agency rather than the original Greek tale) she’s a virgin goddess. She’s called Kore, The Maiden, before she’s Persephone. Like…what’s with all the sex stuff and tying NONE OF IT TO ZEUS!?

Look, the 3 pearls given by Poseiden being made the 3 stopping points could’ve…not sucked, except, the first few books are very much adventures. Like Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Or any of the Lord of the Rings. We start at Point A and we’re going to Point B and crazy things happen on the way to make it interesting. Those things are just super dangerous cuz it’s an adventure inspired by The Oddessy rather than a Road Trip movie where those things are comedy based.

Map will only show 1 pearl at a time, so how does Luke know how many there are? He could be lying. Also this is why Mrs. Dodds needed to teach you Math, so you could do 1+1+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 4 PEOPLE STUPID!

Also, to get the map to show you the next one, just say I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good.

And Luke gives them a shield that takes 5 seconds to fully open which isn’t helpful because we saw none of the kids using shields so they probably would suck with them instead of knowing how to use it in a fight/forget it has a timer and they die by being impaled before the shield can fully open.

47 minutes in and we’re JUST NOW getting to the quest. And YET! It felt like we were running through the first 10 chapters.

Honestly, don’t totally hate the Highway to Hell song because it’s super on the nose.

*Grover sees rats* “That’s nasty.” YOU’RE A SATYR! YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE HAPPIER TO SEE NATURE DOING IT’S THING THAN EATING A TIN CAN! Probably…tin cans are also very delicious.

Annabeth is also a thief, stealing from Aunty Em like that.

The woman’s overacting is…why?

Grover should’ve been stabbed with how Percy was holding that thing.

Uma’s decision to rub her hands together to project her evil instead of just…holding herself with the confidence of a villainess was certainly a decision.

Huh, even the movie doing the “Medusa was a pretty woman” story…and even reference that she hates his dad instead of having a sweet spot like in the book…

What, is she just that persuasive? I think her snakes are venomous, so, like, she could do that instead of just…standing there saying “look me in the eye when you know I’m fucking Medusa.”

Percy with the iPod is…regrettably iconic.

Uma running is…regrettably memorable cuz it’s that bad rather than the iPod.

If Annabeth was able to get out with the arm broken off, she should’ve been able to get out with the arm attached, but I guess we can make Grover actually helpful.

“I don’t have the lightning bolt!” Except, since we cut Ares giving it to them in Colorado and put it in the damn shield…YES YOU DO!

Why is Medusa hitting on, supposedly, a teenager! Medusa is a ephebophile and needs to die for that much more than killing a woman who screamed too much.

That truck should be destroyed to hell and Percy should be dead.

No black man is giving up the hoodie under the jacket. That’s not happening.

Medusa is also bisexual if they found the pearl on her wrist like that so she could leave Persephone’s Garden whenever she wanted/needed.

Yay. Everyone hates country music.

I’m glad they have money for a 2 bed motel.

Wow. I’m so glad Percy can heal others with water like he’s frickin Katara.

“It’s a recent thing that Zeus said Fuck Them Kids. Like, 15 years recent.” Yeah, that’s not…that’s not why the gods are deadbeats.

Grover, not so loud. You wanna tell the entire motel ppl that we’re here?

Everyone remembered this scene from the movie and the tourist in the book and decided that’s why the show was bad in waiting until St Louis, like in the book, to say Percy was a fugitive of the law. Instead of, just…a troubled kid with a dead mom.

“That’s what I’m talking about, Gabe always running his mouth.” You met Gabe for 2 seconds at the apartment. You are talking about nothing. Gabe is always nothing with you. You know nothing. Shut up.

Boy, I’m so glad they slept so they could drive again instead of sleeping in the car, being awake at the motel, and driving all night to be awake in the day. Ugh.

The Athena Parthenos is not allowed to be there cuz we gotta find it in HoO. That’s also not how it looks in Nashville so, like, that’s gotta be the real Parthenos.

People check the bathrooms and would’ve escorted you out.

Annabeth is a racist who goes to kill the black guy first.

SINCE WHEN DOES SHE HAVE A CROSSBOW?! Since how does she know how to use a crossbow? Since why does she have a crossbow?

Surprised they’re not making a sex joke about groping Athena’s tits or something.

But…why would the hydra want a bolt of lightning? It wouldn’t even be able to use it.

Also, everyone’s seen Disney’s Hercules, and Winter Soldier is coming out in a few years. Grover also should’ve known that that was bad.

AND NOW SHE HAS A BOW AND FULL QUIVER OF ARROWS!

That’s a lot of water for a single water fountain.

Boy. I’m so glad they’re carrying Medusa’s head around instead of sending it to Olympus to get their parents to say “we see you, sweeties! We hate it, but we see you!”

And again, Grover saves the day and Annabeth only makes it worse.

“Several Continents” …you named 2, so it would be over those two continents. Also…how big is it? Is it as big as a mountain range? EQUAL to Europe and straddling the two continents?! ALL OF EUROPE AND ASIA?! Cause, honestly, it’d be weird, but a stormfront covering half of Europe/part of Asia at the same time wouldn’t be impossible. Storms be big. Europe be small.

I will say, points for the show to make it a real casino instead of an amusement park like in the book, cuz…that’s not really how casinos work. Like, they can have a really great secondary, non-casino part, but…a theme park like here in the movie and focusing on the arcade and making it massive like the book is…weird.

I’m gonna need Grover to be a little less horny.

That’s a lot of people for three teens. Instead of it being enticing, it’s forcing. Which…is not how the Lotus Eaters work.

The kids have never done drugs before cuz even the ones that make you happy don’t make you THAT kind of happy.

Honestly, still a great part of the movie, with Grover tearing it up. Get it, Goat Boy.

Percy, stop getting high. This is not part of the drugs, I swear. Percy. I AM YOUR FATHER, wait, Disney doesn’t own both properties yet.

Honestly, I’m expecting the lotus servers to ring security with how insistent they are. Like, damn.

Grover was about to have an orgy, cuz like, ugh!

“I can drive from Vegas to LA in 3 to 4 hours.” NOT WHEN YOU HIT TRAFFIC BITCH! And you will.

The sky doesn’t look like a massive storm cloud, it looks like really bad pollution.

Is Annabeth allowed to do anything? She didn’t read the sign. She didn’t help in Medusa. She BARELY DID ANYTHING in Nashville (not that she did much other than have a personality in St. Louis.) She was the same level of helpful in the Lotus Casino. Annabeth, why are you HERE?!

Grover, why are you asking Percy what anything about Greek Myth is? Again, Annabeth is the smart one!

Percy just gonna casually stab Charon and think he’s going anywhere? This is the Land of the Dead, boy! He cannot die! If he does, it just means a bigger back up in the waiting room.

I love that Death plays Charon. He’s such a good actor.

“We’re in a recession!” When are we not? Fucking American economy.

You know what, the Underworld green screen actually looks impressive. It’s well done.

“All lives end in suffering and tragedy.” This is not Hell. This is Hades. So where are the Fields of Asphodel? Where’s Elysium? It’s more than just the Fields of Torment! Tartarus is UNDER Hades. That’s not all Hades is.

Probably a super cute puppy! Nope, just 2 Hellhounds. But Mrs. O’Leary is so nice!

Persephone trying to hit on Grover is…I’m so done. Why Grover’s new personality gotta be horn dog?

I actually don’t hate Hades looking like an aging rocker look. It’s weird, but it’s at least a look. Unlike Zeus and Poseidon in the first scene with 0 style.

WHY IS PERSEPHONE SO HORNY FOR GOAT?!

“I was banished here by Zeus and Poseidon.” No, just Zeus. And you didn’t hate it. I mean, you hate it cuz it’s constant work, but you do a good job and would hate ruling the sea or sky.

Hades asking the real questions here.

Why is Hades backing out of the deal? Didn’t they see Disney’s Hercules?

“The only time I look forward to is my allotted time away from this hellhole.” You mean summer? Like, right now? Cuz you supposed to be top side, honey.

“Guys, it’s gotta be me, cuz I’m your protector…and also gonna bone a goddess.” I don’t hate him as Grover. I hate the writers for Grover.

How does Sally know where the entrance is, but still can’t get through? Also, another woman running up behind Percy or Annabeth shouting her lines annoyingly. Yay.

Wow, you’re really just gonna say that, huh.

“I was planning on giving the bolt to Hades the whole time.” Cuz fuck Kronos who we DID ESTABLISH VERY EARLY IN THE MOVIE!

This should be a much more intense fight between Annabeth and Luke knowing their history. But…it’s more of a Clarisse vs Luke fight cuz it’s weirdly choreographed and no dialogue to suggest they know each other.

“Why do you want a war with the gods?” Cuz fuck ‘em. “Control.” I…♪Everybody wants to rule the world♪ BUT LIKE! HE’S ALREADY APPARENTLY CAMP LEADER! HE’S ALREADY GOT CONTROL! WHAT WOULD BECOMING A GOD DO????

MISS! MISS! MISS! COME ON IT’S ULTIMATE POWER AND YOU MISSED 3X IN A ROW! MISS! HOW CAN YOU MISS? HE IS 3 FEET IN FRONT OF YOU!

Percy still should not be flying, but we need the battle to be more epic cuz Percy vs Ares isn’t cool enough and a sudden reveal is too subtle and intense. This final battle misses so many marks.

HE IS FLYING THROUGH A METAL BUILDING AND HE MISSED COMPLETELY! Luke is a terrible shot and just sucks. But apparently can throw a dagger at high speeds at a moving target, so he can aim, he just sucks when plot needs them to.

And there’s the movie poster.

And Luke should’ve been electrocuted, drowned, and died. He should not be alive. But then that would imply Percy is okay with killing people. Cuz Medusa clearly doesn’t count.

And another invisible wall. If she shouldn’t have been able to get to out, she honestly shouldn’t have been able to get on the elevator in the first place.

Look at Hogwarts, I mean, Olympus.

Party City called, they want $50 per costume.

“I have no connection to Poseidon.” I…clearly you do cuz you trusted him enough to help you get out of the Lotus Casino.

This Hermes looks like a loser and deserves Luke’s hate. Nathan Fillion Hermes is Nathan Fillion and still deserves Luke’s hate.

Zeus does not have power to bring back someone from the Underworld. That is not his jurisdiction! The gods can have overlap, 2 gods of war stuff kinda deal, but not fully take control of something that is their domain. Ares has fire eyes, but he cannot control the fire of the hearth. Hephestus and Apollo both make things, but the sun and the fire of a forge are NOT THE SAME!

AND THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER! THAT IMMORTALS CAN BECOME MORTAL JUST BY LOVING TOO MUCH?! LIKE?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Tiny baby horns means First Class Protector…that’s not how horns work! Zeus cannot grant a satyr the ability to grow the thing that he’s supposed to grown naturally and say it’s a promotion.

I’m so glad you left the camp where I’m training people to hopefully not die because I clearly don’t care about your safety.

Can Annabeth PLEASE fight with her hair up. “But it makes her look cool and effeminate.” It also means she won’t be able to se when it flies in her face. Like there. And there. And just know.“I kicked him out” she said. And yet, she just keeps the fridge with Medusa’s head and sees no problem with that? Had no plans on killing him with it, just decided that was going to be a better roommate than Gabe? I mean, I guess this Medusa knows how to go down on a woman, but her head is kinda limp and gross.

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

true. i mean the lyrics to the songs are super sad because the creator himself said we're mostly looking at things *from odysseus' pov*. of course they'd evoke sympathy and induce pity among the audience.

but tbh imagine you're a crew member who was ordered to cut off a siren's tail and let her drown. that's not even ruthlessness by dealing the killing blow as a safety net (or as a mercy to yourself as they say), that's outright cruelty. coulda just slit their throats yk. and of course this doesn't sink in because we're focused on ody's transitioning into a "different beast". he doxxed himself too, because he was "sentimental at best" and he wanted the cyclops to remember them, but he also endangered the lives of his unharmed crew by doing so.

let me put it beyond the cut because i yapped more than i thought i would (as always)

there's also the way we see ourselves vs how others see us (remember the damn johari window?) and if you were on a voyage with one goal in mind (your wife and kid/s) you'd have a compromised mentality. especially considering they were all hungry here too... hunger fucks with all your mental faculties, i swear. PLUS THE SEA? donald crowhurst is waving- annnd yeah that goes for eurylochus too. hunger is so heavy it screws with you, so everyone on this ship by this point is so weak and weary that you can't imagine them making intricate decisions. sating hunger is also a primal instinct, the math is easy.

god, going back (kinda forgot what i was talking about), odysseus sings woe is me but if we stop and take a look at his actions (without getting too much into odysseus of older texts because that's not fair to the people who aren't familiar with it! as well as those who have heard of the story only through epic :)))), he's been doing some pretty inconsistent stuff, as well as displaying a sort of whimsy. puts a lot of trust in his luck too. of course the birds will fly to land, but he doesn't really know how far that's supposed to be.

on first glance, it's easy to put your life in the hands of a man who commanded 600 men without any of them dying, but he has charisma and wit which makes his bluffs work (it worked with athena too in warrior of the mind-- that's an example of how shrewd he can get). great strategies he may have, a number of them rely on chance. if your captain loves bluffing, you're bound to start questioning his confidence when he says "we'll get home." there's a chance you'll get home and there's a chance you won't (something ody would say tbh...) so would you rather let your organs digest themselves while you're at it, or would you just kill that fucking cow?

i know i'd just start eating someone if i was desperate to survive but i guess we have preferences- but no, except my wife. i'd never. i'll just die.

imagine the confusion and uncertainty they felt in that boat. the deleterious effects of the journey thus far. sleeplessness, hunger, possible ailments... you name it. they're so far off too and the task has become seemingly impossible (what, with the idea of poseidon being hot on their heels). ody seeing his dead mateys and mom in the underworld was sad too, so for the other men it would have been equally painful. they're all just men. yall seem to love screaming you're just a man until someone else displays the attitude 🤣 sorry for the slight sass.

the men were taken to places they never bargained for. they're scared every day, and they too miss their wives who, haha, boutta make an agamemnon joke, and yeah.

my boomboom spicy slicey brain is really making it hard to explain things properly, but if you're not the type to need everything spelled out for you google style, you're fine. i think.

NO-ONE AND I MEAN NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS EURYLOCHUS LIKE I DO

HIS FATAL FLAW IS HUNGER. HE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO BRING UP HOW LITTLE FOOD THEY HAD IN THE TROY SAGA. HE OPENED THE BAG BECAUSE OF HIS HUNGER FOR A MYSTERIOUS TREASURE. HE KILLS THE COW BECAUSE OF HIS UNYIELDING HUNGER.

HE TRIED TO TALK ABOUT THE WIND BAG AT THE START OF THE CIRCE SAGA BUT ODYSSEUS WOULDN’T HEAR HIM. HE HAS LIVED WITH THAT GUILT FOR THE ENTIRE TIME.

HE WAS NOT HYPOCRITICAL FOR BEING MAD AT ODYSSEUS FOR SACRIFICING 6 MEN BECAUSE EVEN THO HE WANTED TO SACRIFICE THE MEN TO CIRCE, ODYSSEUS TEACHES HIM THAT THEY MUST FIGHT. SURE NOT ALL OF THEM WILL SURVIVE BUT THEY MUST TRY NONETHELESS. SO ODYSSEUS CHOOSING NOT TO SAVE THEM WAS THE PROBLEM. THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DIED REGARDLESS BUT IT WAS THE FACT THAT THEIR DEATHS WERE PLANNED AND THEY WERE PURPOSELY SACRIFICED THAT EURYLOCHUS WAS ANNOYED AT. HE WAS PISSED THAT ODY HAD TAUGHT HIM TO BE BETTER AND THEN ODY CHOSE TO BE WORSE.

[musicandteddybears]

AND WE'RE BACK! MORE EPIC THE MUSICAL! MORE HEARTBREAK! MORE DRAMA! MORE ACTION! MORE GREEK GODS BEING TRICKSTERS/GIANT ASSHOLES! song 32 Hermes I love you. XD You're such a suave bastard. "It's a little bit dangerous~" "DANGER'S MY MIDDLE NAME. BRING IT ON." "OKAY THEN! YOU GOT ONE MORE CHANCE, DON'T FUCK IT UP OR YOU AIN'T GETTING HOME." "thank you." "no thanks, i didn't fight for you." "who did?" "WELP GOOD LUCK!" ah hermes. you never change, and your songs are always a bop. what a man. song 33 oooh. all dark and mysterious, but odyseuss is a smart dude. knows what to do and how to do, and nothing's gonna stop him, he's almost home. like that he's the only one singing, and you just hear charbydis roaring. song 34 "get in the water" "no" "GET IN THE WATER BITCH OR I'LL DROWN YOUR FAMILY" "NO" "I CAN'T LET YOU LIVE, MY REP'S ON THE LINE SO GET IN THE WATER" "AREN'T YOU TIRED OF THIS?! CAN'T YOU JUST GO HOME AND LET THIS GO?" "I can't." i really like the lyricism here, and the beats. just the line 'get in the water' the way poseidon sings it has a sort of, i dunno. a trill? or a rhythm. either way, you can feel the menace. song 35 oh this gonna be good, just from the opening notes and vocalizations. Six hundred men (Six hundred) Six hundred men (Six hundred) Six hundred men (Six hundred) Six hundred men (Six hundred) damn i love this. ody's just refusing to give up. and poseidon going "you dumbass you blocked your way home cause you opened that bag. whatcha gonna do now?" "ohoho you're gonna call off that storm." "or what? you can't kill me." "exactly." get stabbed bitch. repeatedly. the irony of being told to stop, and the response being "YOU DIDN'T STOP WHEN I BEGGED YOU. THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BECOME. YOU'VE MADE ME A MONSTER." that last part though. "how will you sleep at night after everything you've done?" "next to my wife." that's a mic drop if there ever was one.

[fl0ral-ghost]

Ok im re listening it cause of course i am and i newd to rant. Ithica saga spoilers and such bad spelling its illegal and sad. But im notchnsging it have fun happy holidays x

ANTINIOUS'S VOUCE IS MAKING ME FOLD. LIKE. NOT IN A WAY OF IM ATTRACTED TO IT BUT LIKE HOLY CRAP ITS SO POWERFUL and holy fuck. (Then end of thst song had be gagged)

The start of odysseus. Oh my god. Thst new sort of melody is it? Like we havent heard that sort of ryth before and then when i heard the other one start from six hundred strike i had to pause it.

I play the drums and my god the drums have me like flintching which doesn't usually happen. But it id with these songs specifically odysseus. Oh my god i love this so much.

The chnating and hsrmonys in every song have me weeping i love it and the ones in odysseus remind me of the ones in the cyclops saga with polymethus (..?) Hut its changed cliggtly and its spectacular

"Keep your head down hes aiking for the torches" "You dont think i know my pwn palace? I built it." That sort of bit, the one from the clip snippet, atill makes me so exited i lovw it so much oh my god ih my god oh my god (new vical stim unlocked basically)

The part where the suitors say antinious id dead and ask for forgivness and freedom?? The open arms reference??? THE PLAIN ASS NO??? FUCK JORGE WHAT WERE YOU COOKING WITH THIS TASTEA LIKE GOD MY MAN.

The suitors speaking, then the killing sound THEN THE THINGY THING ON THE STRIBGS IT SOUNDED LIKE LEGENDARY I CRIES AHHH

THEN TELEMACHUSSS?! AHHHHHH TELEMACHUS IS HERE AHHHHHH.

"Get off me!" "Hold him down!" AHHHHH IM SOBBINGGGG THEN THE LIKE STRUGGLONG SOUND

"Mercy. MERCY?" It diednto bring me home." YES IT DID BUT OH NY GOD AHHH IM SPEECGLESS AHHH

"My mercys long since drowned" IDK REDERENCING TO POSEIDON AHHHHHHG

"you plotted to kill my son. You planned to r@pe my wife" the powerfulness of his words and his voice here is just unbelievable i actually cant belive it.

THEN THE NOISE AFTER OF THE KILLING AND THE NEXT FEW LINES "YOUVE FILLED MY HEART WITH HSTR ALL OF YOU WHOVE DONE ME WRONG THIS WILL BE YOUR FATE" OH NY GOD

Then the Screaming ok get it jorge get it odysseus..

The strings playing at the start of i xsnt hrlp but wonder and then the whatever instrument it is that plays telemachus's little bings melody thing oh my god im weepong

"Father..?" JORGE STOP, STOP THIS STOP! 😭

FUCK THEN THE ACOUSTIC GUITARS the way they play reminds me of how you might think a parent would play to a child maybe and like oh my god the innocence of it, and the immedient switch in odysseus's voice "son..?: he sounds likes hes about to break down sobbing join the rest of us ody weve been sobbing since the first song.

Telemachus's voice my god and the lyrics really show how juch telemachus has quite literally begged to just be like his dad and hes looked up to him even if theyve never even met at a point in telemachus's life that he would remmber

Moment ody started to duet paring to thst lyrics his lwn refelction of it i mean? Yeah, im bawling, rear gods. The grntlness in jis voice a compellte contrast to his recent singing psrts in other songs

"The strength you hold within" thst made me cry. And telemachus i bet. Cause telemachus thought he was weak and wanted to have his dads strength. And then not only finally meeting his dad but then hearing him call telemachus strong, thsts emotional vunerabilty i say.

"My son im finally home!" AHHHHHHHHH

I EANTED TO WRITE ABT THE NW T LYRICS BUT THEN EHEN RHEY HARMONISE TOGETHER AHHH FUCK OFFF ASHHGG

"Go...tell your mother im home...ill be there in a moment" my mind can no longer peice together words im juet inagining telemachus cry as he runs to penelope with a smile.

Then theres those funny drags aND AS SOON AS I HEARD THE SHOE YOURSELF I STARTED ABSULUTLY BEATONG THE CRAP OUT OR NY PILLOW AHHHH.

Then athenas riff plays (i think thats whatnit is) "you were never one for hello's..." THEN ATHENAS VOICE FUCK FUCK FUCK AND THE WAY SHES EMPATHY, AND THE FACT THAT SHE FEELS GUILTY AND LIKE AHHH I DIDNT THINK WE WERE GETTING A REUNION BUT WE ARE AND FU KKKKJ PLEASE TELL MR THIS THREW OTHER PEOPLE OFF.

"But ive got one endevour, theres a firl i have to see..." "very well..." FIRST OF ALL THST VERY WRLL ID VSRY ATHENA LF HER, AND THEN ODYS BIT BEFORE HE SOUNRS LIKE THEIR STILL TEENAGERS TALKING SBOUT HOW THEIR FALLING IN LOVE AND HE HAS TO HAVE THIS GIRL OH GOD OH GOD WEEPONG WEEPING AHHHHH.

"Father...she waiting for you..."

Ok the way he sings penelope and like oh my god and the way theninstruments gst mkre intense oh god i love it "AND THEN THE DOOR OPENING FUCKING IM IN SUSPENCE"

Is it you...have my prayers been awnsered... JUST ALL OF PENELOPES VOICE, ALL HER LYRICS FU K AND THE WAY SHE TALLS ABT HIS CHNAGES FUCKKKKKK .

THEN WHEN HE SAYS THST HES NOT WHO HE USED TO BE AND HE SOUDNS SO GUILT RIDDEN AND SCARED HES JUST A WET FUCKING CST

What kinds of things did you do..?

THEN HE DESCRIBES KT "TRAIDES FRIENDS LILW OBJECTS I COULD USE JIRT MORE LIVES THEN I CAN CIUNT ON MY HANDS

So tell me would you fall in love with me again FICK THIS ENTIRE SONG AHHHHHHH

And she immediently asks for him to bring peice to her mind. "THE EHOLE FUCKING OLIVE TREE BKT AND HE STSRTS TO GET SO MAD AND HORRIFIED THAT SHES ASKING HIM TO DO THAT, AND THEN HER VOICE IS JUST AS INTENSE AS HIS AND FKLLED WITH SUCH STRAIN

The silence...

Im actually spewchless.

THEN WHEN SHE STARTA TO SING HER BIT AND ITS GOT SUCH INTENSITY AND LIKE FUCKING HELL AND THE EMLTION AND LIKE IT JURT SLAPPED ME THATS THE KIND OR MUSIC I LISTEN TO OUTAIDE OF EPIC LIEK FU KKKK. THEN THEY BKTH AING THW RIFFS TOGETHER WAITING AND PRNELOPE AND SHE GETS MORE INTENSE AND FUCKKKKKM.

THE TEUMPETS AND IT COMES BACK TO THE FIRST SONG THE HORSE AND THE INFANT AND THE INTENSITY ITS A GRAND FJNSLE FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SKBBING SUCM AHHH.

then they hsrmonazie...

Thwy hormonaise and sing i love you fu k kff no jorge you cant do thst you csnt do thst im sobbing nl no nko jorge jorge stop touve cooked to mjch mo monko

As you can tell i gave up typing in a way that is readable. But this is how it came out when i stsrted ranting and so i wont chnage it. Thsnkyou flr reading, im gonna go cry again nlw,

[happyk44]

What are your thoughts on Annabeth/various gods? You talk a lot about Percy and Jason and Nico (and you're RIGHT) but I think Annabeth deserves to sleep with, like, Hades. Idk love your work, gave me brainworms so I'm passing them on!

I haven't thought much about Annabeth with a god - I have thought about Hazel with Hecate though! That being said - you did specify Annabeth SO here are so off the top of the dome thoughts:

Annabeth is the architect for Olympus, obviously many great ways to meet and become close with various gods and goddesses. I think this is probably the best avenue for her to hook up with Aphrodite. Lmao, Athena is very much "don't bother my daughter while she's working" and Aphrodite is just "and I took that personally". I think even more so Annabeth becomes so oblivious to other people when she's working sometimes that Aphrodite is just fucking miffed that her appearance around her is going unnoticed that she's like "I'm gonna fuck this girl if it's the last thing I do."

Annabeth being Annabeth realizes pretty quickly what's happening but she doesn't want to be just some fling for the goddess so she just... ignores it? Kind of. Tries to set it aside as "I am Piper's friend, this would be so fucking weird" and Aphrodite changes tactics from outright seduction to more of a courting, dating thing.

She's a great girlfriend (obviously) and her centuries upon millennia of being married to Hephaestus means she knows quite about a bit about engineering and architecture, so she engages with Annabeth when she gets into her little rants and it leaves her so unbelievably flustered because before then the only person outside of her cabin she could talk to about these things without having to use layman terms or keep it broken down and simple was Leo.

Aphrodite also has her own war aspect that often goes forgotten so Annabeth is discussing her ideas for strategy on an upcoming Capture the Flag game and Aphrodite is voicing her own ideas back and it's just so good for the both of them because people, even other gods with all the modern shifts, regulate her down to just being pretty and sexual and while Ares doesn't often to leave her own to dry that way, he definitely prefers to talk about it with his sister so Aphrodite enjoys being able to flaunt the side of her that people ignore and Annabeth fucking adores how excited she gets about it, even starts crafting designs for armor and swords (and yeah, Hephaestus has that covered for her usually, but it's so sweet, Aphrodite could fucking cry).

Also Annabeth loves learning new things and throws herself into the BDSM, sexual aspect of a relationship with an eagerness that makes Aphrodite extremely horny and very excited.

(Cue personal amusement as Athena accidentally walking in on Aphrodite tying Annabeth up and it's just "I told you not to bother her when she's working" "does she look like she's working right now?" and Annabeth wants to die so fucking much)

Poseidon would be a choice, I think. Say she and Percy breakup for whatever reason and she still misses him and Poseidon is there and he's older and bigger but his eyes are still the same and it's just so familiar and safe that she doesn't even think too much about it until the day after and she's waking up and freaking out because fucking shit i just slept with my ex-boyfriend's dad. But she goes back anyway because the ocean is intoxicating and safe and she finds herself constantly seeking the feeling of being drowned.

My personal HC for Poseidon is that while he does care about people, that circle of people is extremely limited and the only person he truly loves is his wife (and Nico in the PJO universe because I think he deserve it), so her relationship with him is short-lived, a year or two at the most and it hurts her intensely when he breaks it off.

Also Annabeth when she's mad or feels strongly about something becomes a little headstrong and vengeful and I can see her accidentally sleeping with Poseidon even she's dating Percy because she's pissed at him for whatever reason - maybe he didn't notice that someone was flirting with him and she took that to mean he was welcoming their advances and gets stupid about it and winds up getting railed by Poseidon and it's so good but she has so many fucking regrets about it because it's Percy's frigging dad.

Now Hades because you mentioned it -- I dunno. My take on Hades is that he's very languid about sex. He doesn't really have much of a stake in it personally. It's good, yeah, but he could get the same fulfillment out of it that he gets using his own hand. He's not usually aroused by other people but he still gets the random urge. He'll agree to sex if asked about it though and that's where Annabeth clocks in.

She's helping Persephone redesign her summer cottage after her work on Olympus is complete (or mostly complete) and she's curious because she's heard the myths and she's met the man and yeah, Nico seems to be happy with his dad, but he's his father, right? He didn't kidnap Nico and force him to marry him. So she tries to be subtle about it. But Persephone has heard all the questions a million times over and over again so as subtle as Annabeth is being, it's not working.

She's not about to get into her complex relationship with her husband with some random mortal who's there to do a job, so she's blunt about it. "I love him. He's important to me. I don't care what your opinion is on it. He's a good person who cares about me and our children." And then because she loves the reactions she gets from people when she says it, "Plus his dick is huge and he knows how to use it."

Which levels into Annabeth's mind, makes itself a home, and doesn't leave. Suddenly it's all she can think about it.

Nico takes her down to the Underworld so she can get his siblings' advice on their rooms in Persephone's cottage and Hades is there and Persephone's words block into her brain and it's not like she and Nico are close, you know? Like it wouldn't be a bad thing if she tested Persephone's claims.

She doesn't really know how to flirt (it's never really been something important to her to learn) but Hades has had years of weird flirting from his wife to understand that when she starts hinting about her conversation with Persephone, he's just, "Are you asking me to have sex?"

Yes. She is.

Turns out Persephone's right. His dick is huge. And he knows how to use it.

Persephone is amused. And a little bit pissed off. She's not Hera levels of jealous but she still has emotions! So she strikes a deal with Annabeth. She won't turn her into mulch for fucking her husband behind her back, if Annabeth makes sure to take care of him while Persephone's away. Only for the summer though.

She thinks its supposed to be solely sexual but its not. Hades is as much of a workaholic as she is and dragging him out of his office to eat food or interact with living people that aren't his children and friends/employees is fucking hard. His family has more or less given up on him because of it. But when she manages to do it, it's fun.

He has a wide knowledge of human history - things most people wouldn't even know because he's spoken to the souls, reviewed their history. He tells her stories of the past, answers any of her questions, summons ghosts for her to talk to directly. She in turn treats him normally. She's nervous as first (he's the fucking king of the dead and her memory reminds of her when she was 12 and he was staring Percy down with murderous intent), but quickly levels out because he's just a person. She argues with him heatedly, makes coffee the way he likes, bullies him into being functioning and then gets mad when he teases her for being the same way.

They fuck too, obviously.

She falls for him for the same reason Persephone did. She's scared for the end of the summer, when Persephone comes home, and it's all over but Persephone just laughs at her. Hades doesn't connect with people that much. She really thought Persephone was just going to chuck her out on her ass after that? Don't be ridiculous.

The winter is, however, Persephone's time to shine. But when spring rolls around and the frost melts off the windows and the world prepares for heat and beach vacations, Annabeth opens her cabin door to a tall man clad in black asking if she wants to get breakfast.

[eeriefeelingsat3amuwu]

My lovelies, this is probs the best thing that we (me and my sister) ever came up with when sleep-deprived and creative. Me and my sis were watching Blood of Zeus on Netflix and síce we’re really into the Greek Mythology, we started thinking of random headcanons on the gods. And this is what we came up with:

Zeus:

the oldest sibling, the younger ones call him Big Z

actually very loyal to Hera, would never cheat on her and all of his ‘maidens’ were actually chosen by disaster bisexual Hera

loves cleaning, is very pedantic

is the only one who knows about the real images of all the gods

a great husband, but a terrible father, seriously, don’t leave your child with him

loves his little brothers to death, even if they fight a lot

Hades:

the middle sibling, nickname is ‘Hadie’, Poseidon loves him, Zeus cares for him very much

is a very loving husband, he gives Persephone everything she could desire

since he rarely chooses sides, whenever the other gods are fighting, he and Persephone have date nights, play with Cerberos (he’s seriously a big puppy) or talk to the dead heroes in Elysium

Charon is his best brooo, parties in Tartaros, he even gives Hades and Persephone romantic boat rides along the river for date nights

Poseidon:

the youngest, must be protected even if he doesn’t need protection, has two nicknames: Pony (for joking around and picking at him) and Donie (loving nickname used when talking normaly)

May be the god of the seas, but he can’t swim at all, his older brothers tried to teach him one day and it ended with him almost drowning in a meter deep pool

is really adventurous and traves a lot, if you’re not sure where he is, try either a few California beaches or some historical cities in Europe

is the good dad™️, he takes care of the Zeus children comming in every once in a while and they absolutely LOVE him

both him and Hades are great with kids, but Hades has a wife, so he’s more of a cool uncle then a dad

DAD JOKES

Aphrodite:

you’d be surprised, but she does not spend her free time practising makeup and doing yoga; most of the time, while not in public she downs some oversized hoodie and sweatpants and either sleeps, lifts weights or bingewatches Netflix shows and eats chips

except for Zeus, only Appolo and Ares know this, not even her son is aware of it

Appolo found out when he went to borrow her curling iron and she opened the door without thinking (she was just eating a corndog and when she saw the look Appolo gave her, she slammed the door in his face while screaming ‘if you tell anyone you’re dead’)

Ares is a different story, she actually showed him and they accidentaly became best friends

she can’t sleep at her house since they could find out and so she sleeps over at houses of other gods when she knows they’re not there

Ares:

is actually very peaceful, hates fighting and it’s kinda killing him that it’s his job to be a bloodthirsty warmonger

whenever he can, he drops the act and is just a sweetheart

loves bunnies and has quite a few of them

Aphrodite was sleeping in his house one time because he was supposed to be fighting a war somewhere, but what she didn’t know was that he returns to feed and play with his bunnies every two days (no it’s not animal abuse, he leaves them both food and water whenever he’s supposed to go away and he returns only to calm himself down and make sure that everything’s working as it should) and he returned the day she was sleeping there; she went downstairs as to leave and found out about the bunnies

that’s how they became best friends

his house, to the other gods, looks like some sort of an arena with weapons and spikes all around, but as soon as they leave, he re-decorates and after that it looks like Demeter’s garden

Demeter:

she has alergies

like, a lot

she hates flowers and grass and just every single damn plant because it makes her eyes water and itch, it makes her nose runny and it just puts her in a shitty mood

but because of her profession, she has to decorate her home with them whenever someone is comming over

then she holes up in her house for two weeks until her alergies pass and starts again

Hephaistos:

he hates warmth

yes, he lives in a volcano, but he’s not fireproof, thank you very much

he’d rather do anything else OTHER then what he does because it’s so hot, but he loves his job and so he continues on with it

every once in a while he disguises himself as a human and goes to the show Forged in Fire (he always wins)

Eros:

he loves his job and everything that comes with it

the only little bit weird thing is how invested he gets into the love stories he creates with his arrows

he cries whenever the story has a happy ending and is just all in all a very senstive soul with an undying love for romance

he is so devoted to Psyche that had she asked him to, he would rip off his wings and give them to her

Now, we have the gay friend group:

Athena:

tired™️, always on coffee 24/7, if not, you don’t want to talk to her

curses, is angry and totaly not calm and colected, just chaotic neutral energy

a prankster, along with Hermes

the mom friend, makes sure the rest of the group doesn’t die or kill each other

smart and witty, but doesn’t give two fucks about anything, burned out gifted kid

eyerolls, glares and ‘tsk’s are a must

she WILL make you feel pathetic if she wants to

likes baking

Hermes:

without his shoes, he can’t run to save his life

you’d think ‘Oh, a Greek god, he must be ripped under that Toga!’ but no, he’s a fucking stick; no abs, no biceps, no nothing, just a STICK

can’t exercise, can’t lift anything heavier then a teapot, just...weak baby

living and breathing ADHD

stimming, never paying attention, figet things, hyperfixations, just...

a trickster along with Athena, they are sneaky and they always know what to do to get the best reaction out of every single god

Appolo:

loves to create songs, both lyrics and music, but...a bit different genre

just...heavy metal, rock, rap, he’s just going WITH it dude

also loves the goth aesthetic

plays the guitar, electric one tho

he diguises it as his lyre

Artemis is his eyes in ears for when he needs to change the tone (when the other gods are comming)

he does actually like poetry and loves to read classics and he thinks Shakespear is THE SHIT™️

the theatre kid

loud

Artemis:

the godess of the hunt, huh?

yeah, she’s a vegan

like, a hardcore vegan

goes to PETA protests every once in a while

fights for animal rights with every ounce of her being

but she’s still the godess of the hunt, so sometimes she needs to kill animals

sooooo, she has anger issues.

deals with them by making Hermes exercise

keeps tabs on every animal she has ever killed and cries over the papers where she’s written it down every once in a while

Okay, this would be it for our headcanons, I may or may not be planning to write a fanfic about them in a modern setting and I’m excited af.

Tagging you guys in belief that you’ll enjoy this:

@definietlynotsatan @a-fandom-trashdump @bla-rese

[extremelyblackandwhite]

the unseen one - 02

Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: thank you so so much for the feedback, guys. you’re all so nice and lovely, i’m so happy you found it interesting. hope you enjoy this one, lemme know xx

Next Chapter >>

The Underworld wasn’t something special and James didn’t understand why people would risk their lives to come here. It was a bleak, watery, boring place full of dead souls. He himself had not been to every single corner of the underworld as it was divided into four regions: Tartarus, Elysian Fields, Fields of Mourning and Asphodel Meadows. His job was almost as boring and bleak as what he ruled over. It wasn’t like he could decide who died or what faith did their soul had, he just ruled over them, trying to ensure no one left and returned to the mortal lands.

Most days he just walked around the various river’s shores, ignoring the wails, screams and cries of the new souls travelling to their judgement. He’d grown tired of his place, tired of hearing the three judges, just completely tired. Most gods got to bask into all the pleasures of the world but James had the disappointing job, the one of seeing pure good souls forget their lives and feel no happiness and no sorrow. However, despite ruling the underworld, it wasn’t up to him to decide what the dead felt.

     - You stink of mortals. - he turned his head ever to slightly to see one of the only goddesses that roamed the underworld. Hecate. Hecate, like Thanatos, had also freely given away the memories of her past life and had been there during the time the original Hades ruled. She was a particular odd person to James, being the one of only goddesses capable of good and evil with three faces which she normally hid when dealing with normal deities. Personally, she shared hatred towards mortal with some rumours that her only tears had been shed during the witch hunt and consequential trials. Hecate was also honoured by Zeus, constantly receiving gifts from him. - Why would you go up there?

    - Bored. - James had been used to ignore Hecate, fully knowing she cared for nothing connected to the mortal world. She also despised how James refused to show off the only thing left from his past life, the metal arm. He’d normally hide it under his clothes, wearing a glove and long sleeve whenever he visited the world. - Don’t you have some witches to make company to?

   - You know I love to make you some company, besides Zeus is here to see you. 

   - Fuck. - James mumbled, wishing to throw himself in one of the soul rivers instead of dealing with the biggest egotistical person he’d ever met. He knew what Tartarus looked like, heck he’d even designed a few punishments whenever people rubbed him the wrong way, and he’d still rather be there, surrounded by a pit of fire and all the titans than having to ever speak with Zeus. 

   - Have fun. - she gave him a smirk as she turned around to return to her place of being, the fabrics of her red gown almost floating. The ruler of the underworld groaned as he walked back to his place of living. Once he walked in he was drowned by gods and other underworld dwellers trying to ask for his help and opinion, however, like per usual, he just ignored them, closing the doors of his office behind him. Sadly, today Zeus was here, probably to annoy his head off.

   - Hades. - he spoke in a cheer tone as if he didn’t constantly had workers keep an eye on him.

   - James. - he corrected, walking over to the little silver cart where he kept the ambrosia needed to deal with the annoyance that was Zeus. - Thought our meetings were on Mondays. 

   - Hera said we needed to spend more time together. We’re siblings.

   - We’re not siblings. - James downed his first glass of ambrosia. - And Hera doesn’t care about what you do, so what do you want? 

   - I know you’re new to these sort of things but we follow rules here. Those rules include not leaving the underworld unless required and following what was done before you arrived. - he sat on his desk, right on top of his papers. In the beginning, this disregard for the fact that he ruled over the underworld would’ve made James insane but after centuries of doing this, he had become used to receiving no respect in his own domain. - You need a wife.

   - I’ll remember to kidnap one on my way out. Thank you. - James didn’t want a wife and luckily, no one had reincarnated as Persephone due to Demeter refusing to place the title upon anyone other than his daughter. This meant he could rule by himself, however both Zeus and Poseidon would constantly bring in their bastard daughters, honourable daughters and even countless water nymphs. All constantly turned away by James.

  - This is not a joke. The underworld needs a queen and you’ll have to find one. 

  - Once I found the most beautiful maiden that’ll make me commit kidnapping, I’ll let you know. - James opened the door, ignoring the ramblings of Zeus as he left.

The rest of the day wasn’t too exciting. He’d mostly keep souls in tract and if some decision needed making or the court of judgment tied, he would come in to give his opinion. He rarely had festivals or cities named after him as most humans who still believed in gods disliked his existence that meaning he had little to no excuse to leave during daylight. 

James longed for nighttime which always gave him a chance to return to the mortal world. It was bleak but it had once been his home so every time the sun settled the earth would open and he’d exit the underworld. This night was a particular cold one which meant he could roam around freely. He walked the streets of the neighbourhood he once used to live in. They were different, no longer scared by war, everyone was calm in their homes with their loved ones. Maybe if the fates had spared him the pain of dying the way he did he probably would have a nice family too.

   - Hey, it’s you. - he looked off the ground to see the girl from last night, hair pushed to the side as she held a brown paper bag with a baguette sticking out from it. - I see you took to using the sidewalk, now. 

   - Y/N, right? - he asked and she nodded, the sunniest smile he’d ever seen forming on her face. - I’m James, I realise I was a bit rude last time we saw each other. 

   - Nice to meet you. Did you just move in? I’ve never seen you in the neighbourhood.

  - Uhm yeah, just a bit down the block. - he knew he was lying through his teeth but there wasn’t anyway he could explain to her that he lived way down down below.

  - You should come to the block party, tonight. - she placed her bag of groceries on the other arm. - It’s a bit boring but there’s free food besides it’s a way to meet the neighbours. Besides, I’m part of the committee and I’ve gotten absolutely no one to come, so you’d be making me a favour. 

  - I don’t know how you managed to get no one to come with that invitation of free food. 

  - The cookie dough truck comes along and nothing is better than warm cookie dough with a pint of ice cream. 

  - Alright, Y/N, I’ll come along. 

  - Thank you so much. I’ll see you tomorrow, James.

[365days365movies]

January 25, 2021: The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

The disaster movie is, oddly enough, a subgenre of action, while also throwing in a splash of adventure. What I mean by that is, like adventure, focus is slightly shifted away from the characters acting against each other, and towards interactions between the characters and the environment around them. Essentially, an external environmental factor, outside of humans, is the antagonist, sometimes quite literally.

Now, obviously, humans can still be villains in disaster movies, but the conflict of the film always have to revolve around the disaster itself, with all other characters merely players in a large conflict. In other words, you got a main guy, shit explodes, and our main guy has to survive, sometimes with assholes getting in their way. Disaster movies in a nutshell, right there.

This movie trend began with 1970’s Airport, considered by most to be one of the crown jewels of the genre, especially at the time. They died in the mid-’70s, and the 1981 movie Airplane! (one of my favorite comedies) was the death knell for the genre...for about 13 years. I grew up in the reboot era of the disaster movie, with Independence Day, Twister, The Day After Tomorrow, War of the Worlds, Titanic, etc. 

But today, we’re looking at what’s said to be the best of the best: the 1972 Academy Award-winning Ronald Neame film The Poseidon Adventure. This is Titanic before Titanic, but also after A Night to Remember...and the actual Titanic, obviously. All I know going in is that the ship is GOING DOWN. Also, Mermaid-Man’s in it. Hi, Ernest Borgnine!

Let’s go! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

So, the opening text tells us RIGHT OFF that it’s New Years Eve, and that this ship, the S.S. Poseidon, is fucked. I’m impressed that we’re getting that out of the way immediately.

We cut to the ship, a cruise liner full of passengers during a storm. The Captain of the ship, Captain Harrison (Leslie Nielsen...LESLIE NIELSEN???)

From Airplane!? Wow! Never seen him in a dramatic role, so that’s awesome!

Anyway, things ain’t goin’ perfect. While a representative of the new owners of the ship forces them to go full speed (at considerable risk), the passengers include the disgruntled Mike Rogo (Ernest Borgnine) and his wife, Linda (Stella Stevens), the latter of which is going through a bout of seasickness. Other passengers include wide-eyed child Robin Shelby (Eric Shea) and his frustrated teenage sister Susan (Pamela Sue Martin); lonely runner James Martin (Red Buttons); married couple Betty and Manny Rosen (Shelley Winters and Jack “Grandpa Joe Who Could Walk The Whole Goddamn Time The Fuckin’ Faker” Albertson); “modern” preacher Reverend Frank Scott (Gene Hackman) and the more traditional Chaplain John (Arthur O’Connell); and singer Nonnie Parry (Carol Lynley), with her waiter admirer Acres (Roddy McDowall).

We’re introduced to these people in quick and efficient fashion, as well as their modus operandi. Rogo’s a detective-lieutenant, and his wife has a troubled past as a prostitute (and their relationship history is...complicated). The Shelby siblings are headed to see their parents overseas. James Martin’s a fitness-conscious bachelor and haberdasher who goes on morning runs. The Rosens have a son and 2-year old grandson in Israel that they’re going to visit, and are likely staying there. Frank Scott is an outspoken preacher, who believes that God only helps those who help themselves, and has been sent to Africa as a sort of punishment. And Nonnie Parry...well…

Well, she’s singing the song that won this movie the 1972 Academy Award for Best Original Song. YEAH. THAT SONG. You’ve almost certainly heard it, and its fame has far surpassed this movie at this point. 

That night, the song is sung at a New Years Party, at which all of our players are assembled. The Captain leaves for the deck, and discovers that an earthquake has just taken place off the coast of Crete. And underwater earthquakes create tsunamis. And tsunamis...well...the ship’s in for some trouble. Batten down, people. The New Year begins with great bombast and celebration...as the wall of water approaches.

Party’s over.

The ship tips, as the wall of water hits, and EVERYBODY goes falling. And I mean FALLING, it’s one hell of a scene. The ship flips entirely upside down, and people holding on to tables quickly fall. The lights go out. And all is quiet.

As the passengers come to, we get an accounting...of the survivors. After all, no way everyone could’ve survived that. The Rogos, Rosens, Rev. Scott, Nonnie, Acres, Martin, and the Shelbys all survive, although some of them need to be a little rescued from the ceiling.

The ship is now upside down. I’m sure that’ll be an issue eventually. For now, with some argument, Reverend Scott leads everyone in an effort to get up to the former floor, where injured waiter Acres is waiting. They use a Christmas tree as a ladder, and begin to climb up to a doorway out. Although, not everyone is inclined to go. Nonnie is the only surviving member of her band, which included her brother, and is only convinced by Martin to go. 

The group of people that we’ve been following go, but literally everybody else stays behind. Sadly, this includes Chaplain John, who’s resigned himself and the other to their likely fatal end. He and Reverend Scott have a heart-to-heart, and Scott makes one last plea to the rest. However, the ship’s Purser (Byron Webster) insists that they must stay behind and wait for help, and the vast majority agree with him. And as soon as our group gets to safety…

This movie...this movie is fucking brutal. The throngs panic and try to climb to safety, but the tree falls...and everybody dies as the ship begins its descent. And the Reverend watches. And holy shit. I’m shook. Real talk, I am SHAKEN by this, about as much as the Reverend is. This is...whoof.

The group head towards the kitchen, and find a fire door sealed in place. The reverend tries to open it, despite Rogo’s very realistic and good warnings about flashover (the event during which fresh oxygen is introduced to an oxygen-starved fire, reigniting it violently and quickly). Despite this, Rogo helps him with the door, and the fire is luckily not a flashover. Rev. Scott goes in and makes it out, scouting a path through the fire (and the bodies).

They all make it through the kitchen, getting closer to the engine room. And that’s when the water starts coming in.

Once again, they all make it through, and begin traversing the next obstacle: a narrow tunnel that leads to a ventilation shaft with a ladder. Also, Linda (Rogo’s wife) is wearing VERY TALL high heels as she climbs up the ladder. Lady. DROP THE SHOES!!!! 

They continue to make it through the shaft...and then another explosion hits! We lose our first party member, as Acres loses his footing and falls. Rogo almost goes with him, and Nonnie’s paralyzed with fear until Martin helps her.

By the way, I realize that reading this might be a bit cumbersome, as there are a lot of names here. But when you WATCH the movie, all of these people are distinct enough that remembering them isn’t too bad. And now...there are even more people.

That’s right! There are more people, being led by the Ship’s Doctor (Jan Arvan)...in the wrong direction. They head towards the bow, towards the water, despite Scott’s warnings. Scott’s frustration, the loss of Acres, and Rogo’s stubbornness leads to a confrontation. This leads to Scott making a bet with Rogo. He’ll scout ahead for a path to the engine room, and if there isn’t one, they’ll also head toward the bow. Rogo agrees, and gives him 15 minutes. Scott leaves, with Susan Shelby (teenage sister, remember) following behind. The rest search for food and supplies in the rooms nearby.

To Scott’s great dismay, however, the main passage to the engine room is destroyed. With Susan’s help, they look for more passages, eventually finding a path covered in oil. The Rosens have their own heart-to-heart, with Belle resigned to death, and Manny clinging to hope. Martin and Nonnie go together, with Nonnie breaking down over her lost brother, and Martin comforting her as best he can. They eventually reconvene, with Scott returned from the engine room successfully. However...Robin is missing. 

Scott goes back to get him...and that’s when the water comes back.

They all once again make it...but the water’s now flooded the passageway to the engine room. Scott takes a rope and tries to swim through the passageway, with the rope being used to guide everyone else through once he makes it. But, of course, he gets stuck when a metal sheet collapses on top of him. But that’s when a surprising ringer steps up to help.

Belle Rosen, the down-on-herself, most resigned-to-death member of the party, also happens to be a former swimming champion. She makes it through, and saves Scott from drowning...and has a heart attack in the process. She gives Scott a pendant for her grandson...and dies.

And that’s when I start tearing up. Fuck. I mean it, her death really got me. Talk about a heroic sacrifice.

Rogo goes to find them, and discovers that Belle’s gone. Scott tells him to get the others, without telling Manny what happened. But Manny figures it out, diving into the water. The rest follow, although Nonnie can’t swim. Martin tells her that he won’t go without her, and they go together. Manny’s the first to make it to the other side...and he sees Belle.

And that’s when I tear up again. FUCK.

Manny initially won’t leave Belle, and Scott pleas with him to come with. He asks to stay with her a little longer, and Scott relents. He gives Belle one last kiss...and goes to join the others. Thank God. I need Manny Rosen to live, goddammit. In fact...I really don’t want to lose anyone else.

A harrowing climb to the engine room takes place, and we reach the final door. And then, of course...an explosion.

Linda dies. Goddammit. And Rogo lashes out at Scott, blaming him for her death. But there’s no time for that now. Explosions cause a steam pipe to explode, blocking the exit, prompting Scott to do his own lashing out: at God. He jumps to open a valve for the rest, despite the hot steam. He screams at God to take him, instead of another of their lives. And in the process, he shuts off the steam...and his plea is answered in turn.

As Scott dies, he asks Rogo to get the rest through. But Rogo’s listless, not responding at all. Martin reams him out, rousing him again and getting him up to lead the survivors. 6 people left...and only 5 minutes of movie to go. They get to the thinnest part of the hull, where they hear scraping from the outside. They bang on the hull with pipes, and banging responds. A torch cuts through the hull...BUT IT’S NOT A TORCH, IT’S AN EXPLOSION AND EVERYBODY DIES

Kidding, of course, as they get rescued! And as they mourn their fallen, it’s discovered that these 6...are the only survivors. In the entire ship, these six were the only ones to make it out.

And THAT...is The Poseidon Adventure. FUCK TITANIC. See you in the Epilogue.

[dootznbootz]

I did >:D She looks a lil "weird" as she has sharp teeth, big silver irises, and pointed ears...Also she's just fucking weird.😍 Telemachus has them too but he can smile and not scare people. His ears aren't as pointed either. I kind of imagine each being slighted jagged, so more like a shark but also still fit in her mouth fine.

"My king, the queen catches fish...with her MOUTH?" Odysseus, twirling his hair and kicking his feet: I know! Isn't she so hot?!

It's actually something that "others" her when first on Ithaca as Nymphs (especially water ones) don't interact with humans as much compared to Sparta where nearly everyone is somehow related to a Naiad. After a while, she fits right in and everyone loves her. :D She helps better the relationships with the Nymphs of Ithaca and droughts are less of a problem!

Odysseus, watching Penelope: You know what? Drowning sounds like fun. You can do that if you want. Penelope: Odysseus, I only do that to people I don't like. I love you. Odysseus: I'm saying you can do that if you want. I'd let you.👀

Niko did that beautiful doodle a while back and lkasdfj

Telemachus being 37.5% Naiad (I did math), loves swimming with his dogs like this

[peaky-shelby]

Give me love I tommy shelby

Pairing: Tommy shelby x Reader

words: 2.160

summary: you and tommy are invited to one of Oswald’s parties. Angry at tommy for leaving you alone, you drink more than you should and then things take a very bad turn between you, Tommy and Oswald.

warnings: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE & ALCOHOL, angst, mentions of blood.

Author’s note: possibly my best work? Idk but please leave feedback.

After 5 glasses of gin the music had turned to an ongoing buzz in your eyes. for the first time after a long time you were feeling alive and there was this spark in your chest, if you didn't know any better you would say that It was happiness. True you were only happy because the alcohol had burned down your worries like they were thin Paper and had messed with your mind so much you could barely  consecrate on What you were doing and where you were. You started dancing around the third glass going from One man’s arms to another’s. It had been so long since you danced.

Tommy was so busy with his work as a Politician now, he only seemed to have time to Fuck you and even that would be quick, a simple dose of satisfaction for him. Too occupied in his own thoughts and worries, you didn’t feel like his wife anymore and since you didn’t feel like his wife you thought It was about time to stop acting like his wife.

You and him were invited to one of Oswald’s Parties, The Place was packed with young girls, drunk politicians and unknown faces. As soon as you arrived the smell of alcohol mixed with cigars washed your entire body, pulling you Into a very dangerous ocean and you didn’t even try to resist the sirens. Tommy left your alone, saying that he would be back shortly but five glasses in and he was still locked up to Oswald’s office. 

"Another glass Ms. Shelby?” Asked one of the boys with the traits and you smiled, nodding like a kid about to be given candy. He handed you the glass and you drowned It all down in seconds. The buzz turned Into a muffled sound, so loud and confusing at the same time. The other guest kept bumping into you as you stood still in the middle of the room, alone. The spark in your chest turned to a wildfire, that was turning your insights to ash and your brain felt so heavy, You wanted to scream. You started moving from where you were, not really know where you going but you saw a table with more drinks in front of you and you reached for It, grabbing one at the bottles. You struggled but finally managed to open It with your hands, you thought that It would be able to put your fires out. You leaned against the table and watched everyone at the room around your, dancing, laughing, some of them where so hammered they were fucking on the couch but you weren’t in a position to judge. Meanwhile your fires were growing higher, the smoke blurring your vision.

With your bottle in your hands you started moving again, this time your destination was the bathroom but the house was so big and you were so drunk you had no Idea where the right door was and If anyone tried to help you, you wouldn’t know. Lost in the Hallways you even forgot where you wanted to go. You examined the place, thinking that everything looked so fucking expensive. Occasionally your would take a sip from the bottle which by now you were Pretty sure was Champagne. You let the carpet lead you to wherever It was leading you until you reached a huge door. Maybe It wasn’t that huge but in the state you were in It looked like Poseidon’s castle doors. You stared at the handle, debating whether you should go in and drown or stay out and wither. You raised the Champagne and took along refreshing ship and with a Swift movement opened the door.

The room was warm and elegant, there was a massive bed on the middle and as you walked in you admired the decoration. There was a painting on the wall behind the bed, You had seen that Painting. It was The Burial Of Count Orgaz. Your heart started Pounding as you looked at It, a fear rising in your chest as the room turned from warm to suffocating. You wanted to leave, but Your feet were tied to the ground, your body was frozen, the bottle slipped from your palm, the shattering glass sounding like a thunder, you were in the middle of a storm, loud, cold and scary, you-

“Ms. Shelby?” His voice came as unexpectedly as an earthquake, shaking you Into awakening. Your turned around to meet him. Oswald was standing on the door, looking at you like an animal about to attack his pray. You trees were weak before him, your mind blank of words. He started walking towards you slowly, which only made You move backwards. He twitched his lips, looking at the floor “Tsk, Tsk, stole one of my Champagnes I see, you’re gonna have to pay for that darling.” A smirk formed to his lips and maybe It was contagious because your lips did the same. There was not a hint of tommy in your mind, not one reason to not kiss the man standing in front of you. You Just wanted to have fun, feel like you were loved, You wanted someone to kiss you like you were the sexiest woman in the world, You were tired of feeling granted. Oswald stroked a Strand Of hair behind your ear, his touch alone was so seductive. Normally you wouldn’t even think about fucking him. You were faithful to Thomas but the gin was faithful to doing whatever the fack It wanted.

“looking for me?” he questioned, his breath hitting your face in the most hypnotizing way. You gulped, your obvious fear encouraging him even more. He smiled, stepping closer. “I’ve been wanting to fuck you ever since I laid eyes on you” He tilted his head, breathing onto your neck. You closed your eyes ready to give yourself to him, really to cut that One last strand Of Sanity. “Tommy doesn’t have to know”

Tommy… Thomas. That last Strand became stronger in the sound of his name. 

“NO” you whispered and pushed Oswald away. “Stop” It took all your Strength to speak those two words. You shut your eyes trying to focus. You had to find tommy, you loved him, you needed him. Your breath got caught on your throat, the air was so thin, you were breaking apart. Finally the ocean you had thrown yourself In was catching up with you, dragging you to the bottom. 

“Thomas” You said a little louder and went for the door. Oswald stood in front of you like a wall. “where do you think you are going?” he held your arms tightly. You tried to shake him off, Shouting for him to let you go. You could only see one thing in your mind and that was Thomas, You screamed his name while Oswald tried to get you to his bed. Everything around you was moving, your sight was so blurry from the drinks It got even worst with the tears that filled your eyes. “Shut up! You little tramp!”

You screamed his name again, Oswald arms were wrapped around your back, making their way to your chest. He forced you to kneel on the ground, the shattered glass stuck on your skin like thorns, making you bleed. You snatched one of the glasses and In a swift movement you stabbed him in the stomach with It, causing him to step back and groan in pain. You released Yourself from him and stood up, pushing your hands against the floor and the broken glass, making your palms bleed even more. You turned around to see him kneeling on the floor. You wiped the tears of your face, the blood getting on your cheeks.

“y/n” your name echoed in your ears. He was calling for you, you followed his voice blindly, running until you crashed on his chest, crashing like a ship that Finally found shore in an endless ocean of heartache. He wrapped his arms around you In an Instant while you cried on his suit, grasping onto It for dear life. Your home, your warmth, your love. He pulled back only a little so we could look at you, his expression a mix of anger and worry. He Held your face, confused about the blood. “What the fuck happened, Eh? What happened.” You wished you could explain everything, but the words and the events were tangled In your head, It was hard to put anything to a sentence. Then another voice spoke from behind you.

“I was about to call for you Thomas.” Said Oswald “Your girl is pissed. I found her in my bedroom, a broken bottle in her hands, bleeding and when I tried to help She stabbed me with the glass.” His voice was like poison in your ears. Tommy’s body stiffened, he didn’t believe a word that he heard. His gaze turned back to you, warming you and calming you. Nothing could hurt you now you were with him.

“Tommy” you mumbled in a broken voice. You tilted your head, It was too heavy to keep straight. Tommy Stroked your face, wiping the blood from under your eyes. “I’m so sorry” He couldn’t Stand to watch you like that, his heart broke at the sight. His first Priority was to get you home and safe. Then he promised to himself that he would make that bastard pay. 

“I’m right here, It’s Ok” he reassured you, holding you tight against him and striking the back of your head “let’s go home” was the last thing you remember hearing before all your senses faded away in his embrace.

Next thing you know you are laying in bed, on your soft mattress, someone Is caressing your legs and you have a horrible headache. You open your eyes Slowly the light piercing them like needless, you groan in pain. Tommy stopped cleaning your legs When he heard you. You looked at him only for a second before covering your eyes with your hand. It was when You moved that you realized how badly It hurt because Of the cuts. The memories were coming back in bits and pieces.

“What happened?” you asked, making him scoff, he shook his head, trying to keep calm.

“I don’t fucking know (Y/ N). You gotta tell me.” He paused, biting his lips so he wouldn’t start Shouting. “How did you get to Oswald’s bedroom?”

“I was drinking because I was mad at you… I drank to much and then I wanted to find the bathroom I think but the house was so big and confusing…” you stopped, the memories from then on were too hurtful, You remembered standing still as Oswald walked to you, you remember wanting him and then realizing you don’t. You look at Tommy, heartbroken “I’m so sorry! I was so drunk, I didn’t know What I was doing.”

“what happened?” He asked, his eyes watching you carefully.

“I was on the room, alone and then he came” your tone started to break “I didn’t try to stop him at first but then he said your name, I told him to stop, I didn’t want to… God Thomas I’m so sorry-“ Tommy reached for your hand, helping your focus on him. “we’ll talk about all that when I come back but I need to know now… did he do this to you? The bruises and the cuts on your legs? Did he try to…” he Couldn’t finish the sentence. You nodded, breaking into tears again. Thomas held his hand in a fist, all he wanted to do was to kill him.

“It’s all my Fault”

“you didn’t know what you were doing. But him- I will cut his eyes and his tongue and then I will put a bullet in his head.”

“Why? Because he touched your property?”

“what?” He asked confused.

“You’re mad because I’m yours, your property”

“No. No you’re wrong. It’s Because you are my wife. Because I love you, Because he hurt you and no one is allowed to do that, Ever! I love you and any man that tries to hurt you is dead meat for Johnny dogs.”

“Is it so hard to say that a couple more times a month? Because lately I feel like I’m nothing to you, that’s why I drank, that’s why I’m hurting”

Tommy lowered his head, he sighed and then moved from the end Of the bed, next to you. He helped you sit up and looked in your eyes, cupping your face. You held onto his hands. He didn’t answer to your questions but he Leaned in and kissed you like It was the very first time. He left his taste on your lips, letting you know that he was yours forever. Than he left his mark on your neck, a message to everyone that you were under his protection. He moved back to your lips, Giving you all his love. 

[mythologyfolklore]

Ares and Athena through the years - Ch. 11

Chapter Eleven: The Trojan War, pt. 03

(A/N: The end of the Iliad with some comic relief and lots of heartbreak at the end, because that's how the Iliad works. This isn't the last chapter about the Trojan War, but the next one will be. This is just the last part of the Iliad.)

.

Book Nineteen:

.

The next morning saw Thetis giving her son a freshly forged armour of such splendour, that Akhilleus was the only one who could even look at it directly.

As he marched the camp up and down, the other leaders came to the assembly, even though Agamemnon, Diomedes and Odysseus were severely injured and could hardly walk.

Akhilleus announced the end of his strike, much to the delight of the Achaean army.

He and Agamemnon finally talked things out and buried their old grudges.

“Right!”, Akhilleus exclaimed, “Enough talking! Let's go into battle already!”

“Not so fast!”, Odysseus (the resident braincell-owner) objected. “Our troops are exhausted  and many of us are wounded. We need all the energy we can get. So there is one more thing we have to do first!”

“And what would that be?”, Akhilleus snarled impatiently.

“Have breakfast”, Odysseus deadpanned.

“OH COME ON!!!”

“No.”

.

Book Twenty:

.

On Olympos Zeus had made his ex-wife Thémis gather all the gods (literally all of them – even the Naiades and Dryades¹). Tiredly they dragged themselves out of bed and into the assembly hall.

Poseidon was the first to speak.

“Sooooo”, he drawled, “What are you plotting now, Astrapaios²?”

Zeus was lounging on his throne like a boss.

“Oh, you know what I want, Ennosigaios³! I won't wish for Akhilleus to conquer the city just yet, but he will, if we're not careful. And this is why I hereby decree, that the prohibition is lifted! You may interfere with the battle as much as you please!”

Suddenly everyone was wide awake and those who had taken a side in the war went to ready themselves for a battle royal – uh, I mean battle divine.

Of the Olympians, Dionysos (one of the few gods who had refused to get involved at all) was the last to leave the room. He used the opportunity to question his father.

“Dad, if you don't mind …”

“Ask away!”

“Why exactly did you change your mind again?”

Zeus chuckled at his son's perceptiveness.

“For the reason I stated earlier of course. Well, that and because I want to amuse myself by sitting here in my neutrality and watching this divine spectacle.”

“… Can I sit with you?”

“Sure, my son! Bring wine, this is going to be good!”

.

The gods joined the war and wasted no time in making things more interesting … for them!

Eris was having a blast with this spectacle.

Zeus was setting the mood above with thunder and rain.

Poseidon struck the ground with his trident and the queen of earthquakes happened.

“WHAT THE FUCK???”, he heard Hades' voice shriek from below, “POSEIDON, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? IF THE GROUND BREAKS OPEN AND FALLS DOWN IT WILL REVEAL THE UNDERWORLD AND BURY EVERYTHING BENEATH!!!”

Poseidon laughed sheepishly and yelled back down: “SORRY, BRO!”

Maybe I overdid it with that earthquake …

Some distance away, Apollon had convinced Aineías, that fighting Akhilleus would be a brilliant idea.

Poseidon didn't notice until Hera pat his shoulder and said to him and Athena: “Uh, we have a little problem back there” - and pointed to where Aineías and Akhilleus were about to duke it out.

“Don't worry, sister”, he replied, “We're stronger than them. If any of Troy's gods comes close to Akhilleus, that's nothing we can't take care of.”

Still, the gods of the Achaeans didn't want to engage in a bloodbath, before agreeing on a strategy.

On the battlefield, Aineías and Akhilleus ran into each other and started with a verbal duel, before lunging at each other. Poseidon quickly assessed, that the son of Thetis was outclassing the son of Aphrodite.

“Alright, here I come!”, he sighed, “Apollon won't save him, but the youngster is fated to live.”

Then he threw himself into the maddening throng and momentarily blinded Akhilleus, before he could decapitate the disarmed Trojan. Grabbing the mortal by the arms, Poseidon took to flight and carried him away to safety.

“Okay!”, he snapped at him, once they were back on the ground, “First off: Are you fucking insane?! Trying to take on Akhilleus, who is favoured by the gods and far stronger than you? He will send you to Hades, before your time is up! Secondly: as long as he is alive, you stay away from battle, you dumbass son of an even more dumbass goddess!”

With that, the Lord of the Sea left Aineías behind to wonder what the heck had just happened.

.

Akhilleus on the other hand just shrugged it off and went back to slaughtering Trojans en masse.

Apollon had warned Hektor not to go against the deranged demigod, but when the Trojan prince saw one of his brothers get killed by that very man, he forgot the warning and attacked him.

Akhilleus immediately recognised the slayer of his dear soulmate and charged with a battle cry.

But Apollon, always having the best timing, stepped in and saved the Trojan.

Again.

This is getting old.

.

Book Twenty-One:

.

The Trojans were fleeing in panic from the deranged and bloodthirsty demigod.

But Hera conjured a thick fog, making it impossible for them to see.

Those who didn't get lost in the fog where cornered and driven into the holy waters of the river Xanthos (or Skamandros, as the mortals called him). They jumped or fell into the quick waters, struggling and screaming for help. Akhilleus in his blood rush jumped after them and slaughtered the Trojans, who were already drowning, dyeing the waters red with blood.

That pissed off the river god, because no one liked having their waters defiled with gore and corpses. Politely requesting Akhilleus to stop dumping corpses into his river didn't help, so Xanthos lost his temper and promptly left his riverbed to make the demigod stop.

Only when this colossal mass of water rose before him, was Akhilleus seized by fear and he made a run for it across the field. But the river always caught up to him, because he was still just a demigod and Xanthos a full god and gods just were stronger than mortals (unless you were Herakles).

Athena and Poseidon came to his rescue, before he could die a most unheroic death by drowning. They warned him to go back to the battlefield, kill Hektor and return to the Achaean camp, then they left to mind their own business.

But the river wasn't done yet; it joined forces with another river, both hell-bent on drowning Akhilleus.

This was seen by Hera, who turned to Hephaistos. “My son, I thought you would take care of the river god? What are you waiting for? Show him your destructive flames. I will release the winds to fuel them. Do not stop, until I ask you to.”

Hephaistos, powerful fire god that he was, raised his arms and unleashed his divine fire above the river (never mind, that it was still raining). Hera released the north and south wind.

The unearthly fire storm, hotter than the surface of the sun⁴, spread across the heath, consumed the bodies of the dead and made the rivers writhe in agony from being boiled alive.

Xanthos soon begged for mercy, but Hephaistos was only following his mother's orders, so the river turned to Hera and begged her to control her son.

Now the Queen of the Skies finally showed the mercy asked of her and told her son to stop.

Hephaistos rolled his eyes, but called his fire back.

Xanthos returned to his river bed, recovered from the torment and he stuck his head out of the water to glare at the fire god. “And here I thought you were not an arsehole!”

The divine blacksmith laughed: “Oh, you're wrong! I'm less of an arsehole than the other Olympians, but I still can be a prick!”

Hera chuckled in amusement.

.

On his throne on Olympos, Zeus was having the time of his life, because now the gods were charging at each other at last.

“Ohhh, now they're getting started! This is going to be priceless! Where are the wine, cookies and my camera?”

Hebe and Dionysos brought him both and then sat with him to enjoy the show.

.

In the meantime, Athena had finally turned to Ares.

“'Sup, arsehole”, she greeted him.

“'Sup, fellow arsehole”, he retorted. Then he had his sword out. “Don't think I have forgot how you let that fucker Diomedes pierce with a spear! Now it's time for payback!”

I thought he already had- oh, never mind.

He attacked first and they duked it out for a while, before he threw his spear at the impenetrable Aigis she was wearing on her chest. Athena leapt back, grabbed a stone and hit her opponent at the back of his neck with it.

Knocked out, he collapsed.

“Hah!”, she yelled in triumph. “I'm the one who gets the payback! That's for abandoning your mother and me in favour of supporting the Trojans! Well, that and the fucking prohibition you put into our father's head. What's that with you always forgetting what everyone has realised a long time ago: that I am stronger than you and always will be!”

“Ares!”

Athena whirled around to see the goddess of love running to her lover's aid.

Aphrodite grabbed Ares' arm and began to drag him to safety.

“Are you just letting her do that?”, Hera spat at Athena.

The goddess of wisdom rolled her eyes. “Alright, I'm on it!”

Strode up to Aphrodite, who was struggling under Ares' weight and hit her on the chest, knocking her out as well. There they lay, with the bright-eyed goddess standing above them.

“This is what happens to the allies of Troy and everyone who gets in my way!”, she snarled.

Aphrodite came to herself and glared up. “You're full of shit, Athena.”

The war goddess shrugged. “Look around, Aphrodite. Everyone here is full of shit. Especially you.”

.

At the same time, Poseidon was facing Apollon.

The sea god taunted his nephew: “What is stopping you, Sunny Boy, now that the others are at each other's throats?”

Apollon sighed: “Can you please not call me 'Sunny Boy'? That's Ares' shtick. Also-”

“Whatever, Sunny Boy. Where is the fun in going home without a single scratch? Let's duke it out! But first tell me: why are you supporting the Trojans? Don't you remember how they treated us? When Zeus stripped us of our immortality for a year, we had to serve Laomedon for a pittance! I built this mighty wall around Troy, while you herded his cattle. And when the year was finally over, he denied us pay and threatened to bind us, cut our ears off and sell us off as slaves! And you're helping the Trojans, after all of this? Explain!”

But Apollon remained calm.

“Does it really matter? Let's leave the mortals to their devices. I don't want to fight you over them, uncle. You're way out of my league, it would be madness.”

But Artemis grabbed him by the shoulder, outraged. “So you're chickening out?! You just give up and let him win?! If so, then don't ever let us hear you brag, that you could take on Poseidon!”

But Apollon just arched an eyebrow. “I'm not 'chickening out'. I just know, when to quit – unlike someone I know.”

As if on cue, Hera confronted Artemis: “You little brat! If you have the spine to make me or Poseidon your enemy, you're dumber than I thought! I will show you, just how outclassed you really are!”

Then she seized the goddess of the hunt by both wrists with one hand, tore her quiver and arrows off her shoulder with the other and smacked the shit out of her with it. When Hera was done with her, Artemis was running back to Olympos crying, leaving her bow and arrows on the battlefield.

Hermes saw this and let his opponent Leto take the win. The Titanis of motherhood gratefully gathered up the weapons of her daughter from the floor and returned to Olympos to console her.

Apollon blinked after them. “What the Tartaros did just happen?”

Poseidon laughed heartily: “Just because my sister is the goddess of marriage doesn't mean she can't kick arse! Or where do you think Ares got his temper from?”

The Earthshaker looked to the sky and knew that Zeus was shaking with laughter.

.

On the battlefield Akhilleus was still massacring Trojans left and right.

The king Priamos saw this from the top of the wall and ordered for the gates to be opened, so his people could save themselves.

Apollon came onto the field through the gates and held his hand over them, while they scrambled to the sweet safety of their city. He took the shape of a Trojan Akhilleus had been about to kill and allowed to chase him across the field, away from the gates of Troy. That bought the Trojans the time they needed to escape the wrath of Thetis' son.

All of them, except for Hektor; he didn't make it in time, before the gates closed.

The greatest warrior of the Trojans was shut outside.

.

Book Twenty-Two:

.

Apollon led Akhilleus away from Troy, before finally turning around.

“Hey, arsehole! Guess who!” And dropped his disguise.

Then he proceeded to mock the raging demigod, who was out of breath after chasing him for kilometres: “While you ran after me like a moron, thinking that you stand a chance against me, the Trojans have barricaded themselves inside their city! They are out of your reach and you will never defeat me, Apollon!”

“You … you deceived me!”, Akhilleus gasped, “So is … the most lethal of the gods … the protector of Troy … otherwise I would have killed them all! But damn you! If it was in my power, I would give you payback!”

Apollon gritted his teeth: “But you can't, mortal.”

Akhilleus screamed in fury and dashed back to Troy with swift feet.

Hektor was waiting in front of the walls of Troy to challenge vengeful Akhilleus and face his imminent demise.

On top of the walls, his aged father was weeping over the cruelty of fate: that he would have to see his sons and many of his people die, his city sacked, his daughters ravaged, his grandchildren and himself murdered, his daughters-in-law sold into slavery.

But no matter how much Priamos beseeched him, Hektor didn't yield and stayed where he was, even though he was terrified. Yet as soon as he saw Akhilleus clearly, bloodthirsty and deranged like Ares himself, his flight instinct kicked in and he ran for his life. Only Apollon's assistance prevented the son of Thetis from catching up to Hektor.

.

While Akhilleus chased the slayer of Patroklos around the city walls three times in a row, the gods were watching from above.

Zeus shook his head. “I don't like seeing him being chased around his own city like that. And it's really a shame, that he should die already. He always honoured us gods beyond measure. Should I save this noble man or-”

“No!”, Athena protested at once, “His time is up, he must die! We can't randomly spare mortals, just because we favour them. Do whatever you want, but none of us will approve.”

“… Do what you must, but do it quickly.”

On Olympos, in the Room of Fate, the Scales of Fate weighed the lot of Hektor against Akhilleus.

That of Hektor sank, that of Akhilleus rose up.

.

Apollon, as the god of prophecy, sensed the shift and reluctantly left Hektor to face his doom.

Athena on the other hand joined the angry Akhilleus.

“Today the Achaeans will gain a most glorious victory! We shall slay Hektor! He is destined to die by our hands and not even Apollon's pleas to Zeus will save him now. Now hold up and catch your breath, while I persuade him to face you in battle.”

She caught up to Hektor in the shape of one of his brothers and did exactly that.

So the Trojan prince whirled around to face the son of Peleus.

They had a short dispute. Hektor entreated his opponent to agree, that the loser be returned to his people to receive a proper burial.

But Akhilleus refused: “FUCK YOUR PROPOSAL! YOU WILL PAY FOR THE DEATH OF PATROKLOS AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS WHOM YOU KILLED!!!”

“OH SHUT UP, ARSEHOLE! YOU AND YOUR COMRADES KILLED MOST OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS TOO! AND ONCE YOU TAKE OVER OUR CITY, YOU WILL RAVAGE IT, MASSACRE THE CIVILIANS, VIOLATE AND ENSLAVE OUR WOMEN AND KILL OUR CHILDREN!!! I AM DOING WHATEVER I CAN TO PROTECT THEM!!! YOU DON'T GET TO JUDGE ME!!!”, Hektor roared in outrage.⁵

Then they threw their spears at each other.

Hektor dodged that of Akhilleus, but his own weapon flew far off, guided by Athena's hand. When he turned to whom he had thought to be his dear brother to ask for a new spear, but found him gone.

The Trojan prince realised, that he had been tricked by Athena and that the gods had decided his doom a long time ago.

“Well, fuck this shit”, he muttered, pulled his sword to face his last battle.

Their fight was short and brutal.

At long last, Akhilleus managed to stab him in the throat.

But he had narrowly missed the windpipe and so Hektor was able to rattle a few last words.

“If you have … an ounce of honour … return my corpse … to my parents … so I can be buried.”

“No.”

“Thought as much … but know this … you're – ugh! – angering the gods … you will die … by Apollon's and Paris' arrows …”

Then the greatest defender of Troy died.

For a while Akhilleus stood silently above him.

Then he finally replied to the dead man: “I know. And I don't care.”

And proceeded to outrage his vanquished enemy's corpse by tying it to his chariot and dragging it around his city several times.

While on the walls above, his grieving parents, his sorrow-stricken wife Andromákhe and the people of Troy were weeping to the Heavens.

.

Book Twenty-Three:

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Akhilleus held funeral games for Patroklos and, after much more mourning, finally delivered him to the pyre.

Hektor's dishonoured corpse on the other hand he left to the dogs.

The dogs that would not go near it; the presence of the goddess Aphrodite, who guarded it night and day, kept them away. She and Apollon preserved his corpse, so that neither the scorching sun, nor being hauled around by Akhilleus could damage it.

The burned remains of Patroklos were put to rest in a golden urn – one that his ghost had asked Akhilleus to put them in and mix them with his own, once the son of Thetis would die.

.

Book Twenty-Four:

.

All the while Apollon had protected Hektor's corpse from being mutilated, while Akhilleus didn't stop treating it like that of a common criminal.

Day after day he and the other gods who were supporting Troy begged Zeus to send Hermes to steal away the body. And every time Poseidon, Hera and Athena had been against it, unyielding in their old grudges.

After a week, the god of light finally had enough.

“How much longer”, he confronted the other gods, ���do you want to allow Akhilleus to abuse the body of Hektor in such a foul manner?! Does none of you have a heart?! Has he ever failed to give you the best possible sacrifices?! Instead of returned his body to his people to receive the funeral he deserves, you choose being butt-hurt about the stupidity of that wuss Paris and that's why you help that sociopath Akhilleus, who doesn't have an ounce of propriety, shame or even respect in his chest! Many others are mourning their loved ones and he acts like he's the only one! As honourable as his parents are, they failed to raise a decent human being!“

Hera jumped up and pointed a finger at him: “Stop going on about Hektor, like he has ever been Akhilleus' equal! One was only a full mortal, while the other is the son of Thetis, whom I raised and married to Peleus, who we all were fond of!”

“That doesn't change the fact, that Akhilleus is a fucking arsehole!”, Apollon snapped.

“Or that he wouldn't know honour, if it spat in his face!”, Artemis agreed.

“Or that he's a whiny mother's boy”, Ares added.

Hera flushed with rage. “How dare you!”, she exclaimed, “All of you have been at the wedding of his parents! You ate, drank, danced and made music-”

“So?”, Ares said coldly, “Akhilleus is not his parents. We are not obliged to him, nor to Thetis and Peleus and definitely not to you. Hektor respected us gods and other humans more than he does.”

Hera's eyes narrowed. “That's it! I will-”

“ENOUGH!!!”, Zeus thundered and everyone fell silent.

Angrily he turned to Hera: “I've had enough of your attitude! No one here is putting Hektor and Akhilleus on the same level! And all things considered, Hektor was beloved by us. He always knew what kind of sacrifices I and all of you wished for, never failed to honour us and only gave us the best of the best. Still, stealing the body is not an option either. Bring me Thetis. She shall persuade her son to give Hektor's body up to his father.”

After Thetis had been welcomed by the gods, Zeus cut to the chase: “Let your son know, that we're angered by his behaviour. He is to return the body of Hektor to the Trojans for ransom – this is my will. He knows what happens to mortals, who do not follow it.”

Thetis nodded and returned to her son to inform him of Zeus' decree.

.

Later that evening Iris descended to the earth again, this time to tell Priamos, that Zeus was doing him one last favour: the returning of his son's body.

So Priamos packed rich gifts as ransom and went, but not before making a sacrifice of Zeus and venting his bitterness about how the cruelty of Ares had robbed and would keep robbing him of his loved ones.

As Zeus saw the elderly man and his aged herald cross the bloodstained plain in the darkness, he was overcome by pity. He waved Hermes over and fondly ruffled the messenger's hair.

The second youngest Olympian endured it, as always.

“My beloved son, who holds mankind dearest, guides them and listens to them. Go and escort Priamos to the Achaean ships, but make sure that no one sees him, before he stands in front of the son of Peleus.”

Hermes put on his winged sandals and staff and landed on the coast near the ships in the guise of a young soldier from Akhilleus' troops. With his staff, he lulled the Achaeans to sleep, before going to find Priamos.

As he came into the king's field of view, he could tell that the old man was frightened.

But Hermes gently took the old man's hands and asked kindly: “Who are you, sir? What are you and your companion there doing out here in the middle of the night and with so much treasure? Don't you know how dangerous that is?”

“You're right, young man”, Priamos replied, “But one god must have at least some mercy with me. It must be a good omen, that we meet you here; I can see your wisdom as well as your beauty – you must have blessed parents.”

That I do, Hermes thought fondly, but kept his focus.

“That's true. But do answer my question. Are you trying to hide them, or are you all fleeing your city in panic, because you lost your best fighter – your son Hektor, the greatest of your warriors?”

Priamos tilted his head. “How do you know about my son? Who are you?”

“One of the soldiers of Akhilleus”, Hermes fibbed, “I often saw your son on the field of glory, even when we weren't allowed to fight, because our lord wouldn't let us.”

“Really!”, the king cried hopefully, “Tell me, what happened to my son's body? Is it still intact at the ships? Akhilleus didn't … he didn't … did he …?”

“It's still intact”, the Messenger soothed him. “Nothing of the outrage it suffered by Akhilleus could damage it – if it wasn't for the wounds, one could think he's sleeping! The gods care for him even in death.”

He couldn't help but feel horrible for the sorrow-stricken old man, who nearly burst into tears at these news and who really deserved better than all this woe.

Deciding to make it quick, before the mortal's suffering could get to him, Hermes guided Priamos to Akhilleus' tent.

Once there, he revealed himself: “Now I can tell you, that I am the god Hermes. My father sent me to guide and protect you. I must stay outside, because I don't want the trouble of being seen. But listen to me: when you go in there, clasp the knees of Peleus' son and beseech him in the name of his own dear parents, if you want him to hear you.”

.

Akhilleus gaped in amazement, as none other than Priamos came before him.

The long-suffering king of Troy fell onto his knees in front of his greatest enemy, clasping the knees and kissing the hands of the man, who had slain his children.

After reminding him of his father Peleus, who was waiting for his son to come home, Priamos ended his plea: “Fifty sons I had, before you Achaeans came and I got to keep none of them! Most were felled by cruel Ares. And the one son I could count on, the defender of my city and its inhabitants – oh Hektor, my child! – fell by your hand. I'm here to ransom him with rich gifts. Respect the gods and think of your father. Even more than him I have a right to your mercy, because I did what no other father in the world could ever bring himself to do: I kissed the hand of the man who murdered my son.”

The sight of this old man's infinite grief and the memory of his own father, who too would never see him again, did something to Akhilleus.

There was no more wrath in him, only sadness and grief.

That and something new.

Something he had never felt before: Compassion.

.

Hektor's body was ransomed and returned to his people.

Even on Olympos the gods could hear the crying of the Trojans for their prince.

The people, who mourned their greatest hero.

His parents, who lost their dearest son.

His remaining siblings, who lost the brother they had looked up to.

His widow, who hadn't been able to be at her husband's side, while he was dying.

Helena, who had been taken here against her will and was now mourning the only man besides Priamos, who had treated her with kindness, the only friend she'd had here.

The Trojans keened and bewailed Hektor for ten days.

On the eleventh day he was brought to the pyre.

The smoke rose high and with it carried prayers and weeping.

.

---

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1) Naiades: river nymphs; Dryades: tree nymphs.

2) Astrapaios: "Lord of Lightning", one of Zeus' epithets.

3) Ennosigaios: "Shaker of the Earth", one of Poseidon's epithets.

4) The surface of the sun is appr. 5000°C hot.

5) In the Iliad Hektor doesn't actually respond to Akhilleus' refusal like that, but I thought that this was important to point out.